Untitled
by frigo
Summary: At 24, Neji is an ANBU captain: he's an excellent ninja with everything going for him. But the twists and turns of life are mystifying, and Neji soon finds himself questioning everything that is familiar. Eventual Neji/Shikamaru, introspective future fic.
1. Here come the blues

A/N: Hello there, chaps! This here marks the first chapter of the longest fic I have ever written. That's right! I am trying my hand at the infamous Long Fic. I recently read an amazing story called Places by shaLaLa.ohmy-my which had the pairing of Shikamaru and Neji. I had never come across this pairing before, and after having read the amazing story that was Places, I immediately went searching the internet for more of this fantastic pairing...And was disappointed with the results. There is barely anything on this pairing! So, I decided to write my own. I have no idea how this will turn out, nor if it will even survive past the first chapter. However, I shall give you the low down on the universe. It is set approximately seven years after the first time skip.

Neji is an ANBU assassination captain, and Shikamaru works for the Interrogation and Torture section of ANBU. Naruto has finally become the Rokudaime, after Tsunade stepped down to take the head position at the hospital. Naruto earned his salt, so to speak, gradually, however it was his retrieval of Sasuke that really proved his worth in Tsunade's eyes. More on that later. So Sasuke is back in Konoha and acting as sensei to a widdle genin team, which is humorous. Anyway, that's all I've planned at this moment, so on to the story!

* * *

_Monday is shining, you know 'em Tuesday's rain,_

_Well, the days go by me like a southbound train,_

_Yes, it's funny thinking you will never call my name._

--

Moonlight shone through the thick canopy of the forest, casting an ethereal glare onto the giant trees of Fire Country. The encompassing silence was broken only by the faint hiss of chakra as a ninja, clad in grey and black, sailed through the trees. The ninja's face was distorted with bulging veins, pale eyes searching for an unknown target – his attire, splashed with dark blood, suggested signs of conflict. A shrill scream pierced the forest, causing the ninja to abruptly change course, veering off to his left. The ninja was sweating profusely, and his mouth was twisted in a sombre grimace. After a few moments, the density of the trees suddenly thinned, and he found himself in a small clearing.

"Sakura." Neji said, swiftly making his way towards the woman who was crouched over a corpse, her short pink hair covering her face. She jumped at the sound of his voice, hair falling away to reveal a face splattered with blood.

"Neji…" Sakura whispered, eyes wide, "Neji, I…" She trailed off, and returned her shocked gaze to the bloody kunai in her hand. Blood still poured from Anko's neck, which had been slashed in such a way that her head lolled grotesquely from her body. There was a foul stench permeating from the body, and Neji could do nothing but stand at Sakura's side, watching Anko's life flow over Sakura's discarded cougar ANBU mask.

A chakra flare near to the clearing brought Neji back to his senses, and he turned in time to see Tenten emerge from the depths of the trees, seemingly unhurt. "Neji, Sakura!" She called as she sped towards them, her eyes running over the mangled corpses of the two enemy shinobi at the edge of the clearing. Neji watched Tenten's expression turn from expectant to stupefied, and had to catch her as she raced towards him, any sense of direction obstructed by the burning vision of Anko's corpse.

"Anko!" Tenten's strangled cry sliced through the forest, forcing Neji to regain some self-control. His practiced eye assessed the situation critically and objectively, even as he held his sobbing teammate in his arms.

"Sakura," He said in a low, commanding voice, "confirm Anko's condition." He watched Sakura impassively, shudders rippling through her body as she placed two light fingers on the inside of Anko's wrist. Tenten had slumped at his feet; silent tears flowing uncontrollably down her cheeks. Sakura's voice only wavered slightly as she stated, "Deceased."

"State the cause and time of death." Neji heard himself say, the calmness of his voice ringing in his ears. Tenten's sobs had ceased, and Neji could hear her heavy, uneven breaths.

"Enemy shinobi ambushed us and inflicted Anko with a fatal wound," Sakura stated in a mechanical tone, her eyes fixed firmly on the grassy floor," I had no choice but to engage the two shinobi, who I defeated as quickly as I could. However, I did not succeed in saving Anko, who was suffering from extreme blood loss and fatal damage to her thoracic region. She requested to be relieved of her suffering, so, after…after confirming with Anko, I…" Sakura's unseeing eyes were searching wildly for meaning, for justification.

"Continue, shinobi." Neji heard himself order. He watched Sakura compose herself, closing her eyes and drawing in deep breaths, shutting away emotions that could only bring complications during missions.

"I cut the shinobi's throat using a kunai. Time of death occurred approximately two minutes after." Sakura's green eyes gazed up at Neji, brimming with the unnameable _thing_ that was festering in Neji's heart also. Her composure faltered slightly as Tenten crawled towards her, her questioning voice cutting through Neji like a knife.

"Neji? Neji, I didn't know what to do…She was _dying_ …I could _see _her intestines, I just…" Sakura bowed her head as Tenten grasped her hand, "Her scream was so terrible, I couldn't just _leave_ her…I'm sorry, Anko. I'm so, so sorry…" She broke off, her free hand fisting on her knee as shining tears dropped lightly onto the ground next to her. Neji watched, detached, as the stream of tears met the stream of blood, the two joining and mixing in a lurid mockery of duty and camaraderie.

Neji's hands intuitively formed the jutsu for disposing of bodies and he watched as the two enemy shinobi's faces melted away, storing the images in his head so that he would never forget the sacrifice that was made in that clearing. Tenten and Sakura, their eyes red and dull, made a makeshift stretcher out of blankets and branches, carefully lifting Anko's body onto it and covering it with the fly of the tent. Silence reigned throughout the forest, and Neji made the signal for the team to move out. He and Sakura were first in carrying the stretcher, with Tenten uneasily guarding their rear. They flew noiselessly through the trees: the journey back to Konoha would take little more than an hour, and Neji wanted to get back before daybreak.

The weight of the stretcher seemed to bear down on his heart as well as his muscles, and Neji found himself searching for a third outline in the darkness, the silhouette of a spiky ponytail where there were only leaves and shadows.

--

They had arrived in Konoha just before daybreak, Neji going straight to the Hokage's office as Sakura and Tenten transported Anko's corpse to the hospital. The Rokudaime (it still seemed strange to Neji to have to call Naruto by that title) had appeared sombre and resigned as Neji reported the events of the mission. After Neji finished, he followed Naruto to the hospital, where Tsunade was preparing the body for storage. Neji joined Sakura and Tenten in an examination room, where they had been looked over for injuries. No words passed between them as Neji settled onto the bed where they were sitting, the three of them lost in their own thoughts as they watched the sun slowly rise, blood red, through the window.

After filling out all the necessary forms given to him by a solicitous Tsunade, Neji had deposited Sakura into the capable hands of Lee, and Tenten her parents. He made it all the way to the front corridor of his apartment, at which point all the emotions of the mission that had been crushed so deeply within him surfaced. He slid down the wall of the corridor, leaving a dirt-streaked stain in his wake, and finally allowed himself to mourn for his deceased teammate. Neji could vaguely hear his muffled gasps echo through the room, and wondered what Hiashi would think if he could see him now. After some time, Neji felt his breathing become deeper as his vision swam before him. He fell sideways onto the ground, unconscious, his mind full of images of faceless corpses.

--

Neji awoke to warm, beautiful sunlight streaming onto his face. He opened his eyes slowly, and was greeted with the sight of Hinata quietly moving about his kitchen. Neji lay there for some moments, watching her timid movements, her long, dark hair glistening in what must have been the afternoon sun. He quickly took stock of any injuries, causing the sheets to rustle slightly as he flexed and relaxed his muscles. The noise caused Hinata to turn abruptly, and Neji could see frown marks on her brow as she watched him.

"Neji-san." She said in her small voice, making her way towards the couch, "Are you feeling better?" Her eyes gave away no sign of emotion, but Neji had known her long enough to read the tension in the corner of her mouth, in the V of her elbow, in the slight waver to her voice.

"Yes, thank you," He replied, shifting into an upright position. The cover slid off him to reveal a pale expanse of chest, his black ANBU pants contrasting sharply with it. Hinata immediately blushed and her hands came together in a familiar gesture.

"I…thought you would be more comfortable if I removed your amour," She said, her eyes fixed to the floor, "I hope you don't mind." Neji rose silently, and stood before her, gently stopping the restless movements of her hands.

"No," Neji said, his arms falling to his sides, "Of course not. Thank you, Hinata-san." She blushed once more, but her eyes rose confidently to meet his, searching his face for a trace of _something_. After a moment, Neji broke his gaze, turning to make his way to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Neji paused briefly in his walk, torrid emotions churning in his stomach, making him feel ill. He did not turn, and when he reached the bathroom, he vomited repeatedly into the toilet.

--

By the time Neji had finished in the bathroom, Hinata had gone. Neji sighed loudly, fingers running through the long, wet tendrils of his hair. His relationship with Hinata had been flawed from the beginning: watching Hinata during his childhood, he had seen in her the weakness of the main branch of the family. He had seen his father, Hizashi, dying in the place of his twin. He had seen the culmination of a life's worth of bitterness, and most of all, the workings of Fate that he had been so sure of. Neji had changed since then, he knew, but twenty-three hadn't settled any closer to Hinata's bones than fifteen: she was still a comparatively weak ninja, and Neji was attracted to refinement and skill more than anything else.

Only a year older than Hinata, Neji had surpassed her abilities long before it really mattered. Now, at twenty-four, Neji was an ANBU captain. Up until the previous night, he had been leader to a four-man cell of assassination experts. The team had consisted of Tenten, who had proven herself to be skilled in the area of strategy and planning; Sakura, a highly talented medic-nin who had saved each one of them more times than Neji would like to remember; and Anko, the veteran of the group. Anko's experience and rather…_unusual _skills had served the team well, and she never failed to lighten the atmosphere with her truly disgusting jokes. Never had Neji had to fight the urge to blush so strongly than when in Anko's presence, because really, did any Hyuugas (save for Hinata) actually blush?

However, ANBU cells were nothing like the genin teams formed at childhood: those strong bonds of friendship Neji had formed in Team Gai could never be re-created in an ANBU environment. His teammates, naturally excluding Tenten, were just fellow shinobi with whom he had to work. Neji was not willing to sacrifice his life for Sakura or Anko, however it was impossible for Neji not to be affected by death when it occurred so close to him. He would miss Anko for being the fine shinobi that she was, and he would give his polite condolences to those who knew her better.

Neji dressed slowly, handling his white jounin garments with unexpected tenderness, his hands relishing the lightness of the touch. He felt airy and detached, as if someone had cut the bonds of gravity from his body. Neji reasoned that he needed to meditate: he always felt this way after a death, and refocusing on his centre would help him both to recover and to pay his respects to the dead. The time on the clock resting on his bedside table flashed 4:24 PM. After securely fastening his hitai-ate over the curse seal, Neji left his apartment for his favourite meditation spot, a grassy hill not far from the river.

He decided to walk to his destination in preparation for the mediation ahead, and was surprised to see few people, civilian or shinobi, on the streets of the village. As he walked past one of the entry gates to the village, he did see the Uchiha returning from a mission with his genin team, looking even more irritated than usual. He had been given a genin team by the Rokudaime as punishment for betraying the village, and while Neji knew that Naruto had a keen sense of humour, he also knew that he wouldn't like to be anywhere near either of them when Uchiha gave his report later that day.

Uchiha and children did not mix, especially when they were children who had been given permission to wield sharp objects. Having said this, the natural genin incompetence they shared with all other genin teams was being slowly outweighed with signs of future promise. Neji had heard especially of the kuniochi Yuhi Amaya, the seven-year-old daughter of Yuhi Kurenai, who had inherited not only her mother's striking looks, but also her father's legendary chakra control. The combination was apparently very successful.

Neji arrived at his meditation spot, and, not sensing any other shinobi, sat down at the top of the hill where the view of the village was best. In front of him was the cluttered centre of Konoha: behind him, its winding river. The heat of the day was now dwindling in the late afternoon sun, and great, puffy clouds floated lazily through the sky, their sides tinged with golden rays. Neji closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and _thought._


	2. Strange Meeting II

A/N: Wheee, the second chapter! So, like I said before, I really have no idea where this is going, but I'm pretty content to just let it take its course. Hopefully a plot will develop without me even having to try. Just a side note – Kakashi has retired from active duty and has taken over Ibiki's place as head of ANBU Interrogation and Torture. What fun!

* * *

_As I traced the foam, pebbles beneath my feet,_

_I looked behind, I saw this one so sweet._

--

Neji was not even ten minutes in to his meditation when an approaching chakra presence disturbed his peace. He opened one eye a crack to see Nara Shikamaru approaching slowly from the village, both hands shoved uncaringly into his pockets. Neji felt a twinge of annoyance: surely Nara, the genius he supposedly was, realised that Neji was busy and didn't want to be disturbed? He closed his eye again, and tried to re-focus his energy. However, Nara's chakra presence only got stronger, until Neji heard him flop down on the grass somewhere to Neji's right. Neji ignored him, keeping his eyes firmly shut. The silence stretched between them, except for the occasional rustle from Nara as he moved into a more comfortable position, settling in for a long haul. Neji sighed, and opened his eyes.

The sight he was greeted with was not at all unpleasant: Nara was reclining on the grass, two hands behind his head, long legs stretched out before him. The afternoon light was hitting his face in a becoming way, and he was radiating such an air of contentment as his eyes followed the white and gold clouds that Neji almost didn't have the heart to disturb him. Almost.

"Nara," Neji said, feeling slightly childish, "this is my spot." His tone indicated that Nara should find another spot very quickly. To Neji's annoyance, Nara chuckled and didn't take his eyes off the sky.

"Maa…" Nara said, scratching his nose, "Don't see your name written on it, Hyuuga." Neji felt a spike of irritation, and forced himself to calm down, closing his eyes and focusing on the feeling of the sun on his skin.

'Fine,' Neji thought to himself, 'if Nara won't leave, then I will ignore him.' Once again, silence reigned. Neji was surprised when he was able to regain his energy centre in Nara's presence: the calmness and contentment radiating off the other ninja was actually helping Neji to concentrate. As the sun slowly set over Konoha, Neji meditated on his memories of Anko, seeing her face revolve around his mind. He remembered her laugh, her fighting stance, her voice, and her tendency to see the humour in everything. Neji gathered together all these memories in his mind, and paid his respects: the best way to respect the dead was to remember them.

Neji's stomach suddenly growled loudly, causing him to snap out of his thoughts and open his eyes. Night had set over Konoha, and Neji could see the evening rush of activity as people headed out for dinner. The air was cool, almost cold, and there was a light wind playing with his hair. A soft snore from his right caused Neji to turn, and he saw Nara, lying in the same position as earlier, fast asleep. Neji scoffed, torn between leaving without saying anything or waking Nara up. Nara was infamous for falling asleep in the most bizarre places, but in any case, he would catch a cold if he stayed out here all night.

Neji rose and went over to the other ninja, chuckling quietly to himself as he watched Nara's serene face. 'Oh well,' Neji thought, 'it's not as though he's _lacking_ sleep.'

"Nara." Neji said, expecting him to open his eyes immediately. However, he was rewarded with absolutely no response at all. Nara didn't even move.

"Nara." Neji said again in a louder voice. Still no response. 'What kind of ninja sleeps like this?' Neji thought incredulously.

"Nara!" Neji said, poking him lightly in his side with his shoe. Nara's face crumpled and relaxed, his eyes opening blearily. He sat up and stretched for an inordinate amount of time, body tensing in an almost feline manner. Then he yawned, and looked up at Neji expectantly.

"You were sleeping," Neji offered lamely, suddenly uncomfortable, "I…thought you would get cold if I didn't wake you up." Nara blinked at him, his face blank. "I'm going now," Neji elaborated, watching – horrified – as Nara's face slowly split into a grin.

"Hyuuga," He leered, getting to his feet, "I never knew you cared." Neji scoffed once more, this time to cover his embarrassment. He turned, about to leave when Nara's voice stopped him.

"Oi, Hyuuga!" He called, his body relaxing into its trademark lazy posture, "I bet you haven't eaten since you got back. You must be starving." Nara's dark, penetrating eyes burned into his back even in the darkness, and Neji turned, surprised to hear the underlying concern in his statements.

"How did you know I had a mission?" Neji asked. Nara simply shrugged, yawned once more, and muttered something under his breath that sounded like "How troublesome".

"Look," He said, his tone flat, "I'm offering you dinner. Do you want it, or not?" Despite his surprise, Neji weighed up his options. Dinner with Nara meant that he didn't have to make it himself, a plus seeing as he knew that there was little food in his apartment. However, he and Nara, while never actually disliking each other, had never really called themselves friends. Neji's stomach rumbled loudly once more, giving Neji his answer.

"Lead the way."

Nara yawned again and took off at a run towards the village, not looking back to see whether Neji was following or not. Neji ran to catch up with him, the two of them travelling together in silence.

--

Nara's apartment was small and neat, with few personal touches. Its layout was similar to Neji's apartment: a large, kitchen/dining area with a small bedroom and bathroom. There was only one window in the main room overlooking the street, giving the apartment a close, almost surreal feeling. Neji sat at the kitchen table, watching Nara's shadowy figure prepare a meal. To Neji's surprise, Nara hadn't turned on the lights when he had entered.

"It's a family thing," Nara had said, shrugging. Neji was taken aback by the comfortable silence that had stretched between them. Nara had always been a little different, Neji knew that – he wasn't Naruto, who didn't understand the meaning of silence; he wasn't Uchiha, whose silences were more malicious than comfortable; nor was he Tenten, whose silences always seemed to ask for something more. Nara just _was_: in Neji's eyes, Nara did what he had to do, not really caring if he bothered people. Just because Nara was lazy didn't mean that he was incapable of kindness.

In the gloom, Neji could make out two photos hanging on the wall near the couch: one, a picture of Nara's genin team, and the other, a picture of Nara with a pretty civilian girl that Neji didn't recognise. Neji was momentarily confused, but then chastised himself for being naïve – this was probably Nara's girlfriend. He had never really imagined Nara with someone before, partly because Neji didn't think about him all that much, and partly because his personality didn't seem synonymous with relationships. But Nara was certainly an attractive man, and while not having a conventional job, he at least had a steady paycheck. It made sense for him to have a pretty girlfriend.

Neji turned his gaze back to Nara, his precise, unambiguous movements in sharp contrast to Hinata's earlier that day. Nara had taken off his jounin flak jacket, revealing a standard black t-shirt. Neji watched the muscles of his body ripple and change with his movements, and suddenly could vividly imagine the pretty civilian girl pressed up against him, Nara's strong hands caressing her breasts. Neji shook himself slightly – he had only been in the other ninja's presence for a few hours and was already thinking about him having sex. Nara, as if sensing the change in mood, paused slightly at his position in front of the sink, his head bowing.

"I hope you don't mind miso soup," Nara said casually, ladling some out into two small bowls and bringing them over to the table.

"Not at all," Neji replied, "It is most kind for you to have invited me." Nara smiled slightly as he took his place at the table opposite to Neji.

"Always so formal, Hyuuga," Nara murmured into his spoon. Neji chose not to reply, shifting in his seat, acutely aware of the sudden restlessness of the atmosphere. He took another mouthful of soup. Nara cleared his throat.

"I heard about Anko," he said quietly, his dark eyes seeking out Neji's. When Neji didn't reply, Nara continued, "Naruto send out a clean-up squad after you guys came in, just to make sure. The ninja you had fought with wasn't actually dead, so they brought him back here and deposited him to Kakashi-san, who quickly dumped him into my lap. That's who I've been talking to all day."

Neji's world reeled suddenly – he had been so worried about his other teammates who he had been split up from that he didn't properly check the vitals of the man he had been fighting. Not only did he let one of his shinobi die, the mission itself hadn't even been successful. Neji shifted again, abruptly feeling tired and emotionally drained. He could vaguely hear Nara still talking.

"I help out sometimes down at Interrogation and Torture," he said calmly, "It helps to pay the bills…Yeah, the guy wasn't a big threat. They were just missing-nin who had gotten carried away. Anyway, he was executed this afternoon on charges of murder."

Neji stood slowly. Nara looked up, confused.

"I am sorry," Neji said in a low voice, "but I am not feeling terribly well. I'm afraid I have to leave. Thank you for the meal." Neji swiftly made his way out of the apartment without looking back. He vaguely heard Nara protesting at his hasty departure as he walked away, not even paying attention to where his feet were taking him. He was not at all surprised, however, when he found himself at the door of Tenten's house, its familiar red paint already having a calming affect on him. He knocked loudly, counting the seconds before Tenten opened the door. Her eyes were swollen and red, and she looked like she hadn't slept at all.

"Neji," she said, taking in his dishevelled appearance with a concerned expression. Neji let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and didn't even protest as he felt warm, thin arms circle around him. He embraced Tenten back, feeling instantly at ease in the arms of this woman who he had known for so long.


	3. Blues run the game

A/N: Hey guys, here's the third chapter. I'm having a lot of fun just fleshing out the characters here, and I hope it's not too boring to read! I really want to make Neji and Shikamaru's relationship realistic, so I'm spending a lot of time trying to set it up. However, never fear! It will happen!

Any feedback or criticism is appreciated.

* * *

_Somewhere down the line,_

_I'll wake up older, honey_

_So much older,_

_I'll wake up older and just stop all my trying._

--

Tenten had given Neji a mat to sleep on next to her bed, but he slipped out of the house before the sun had risen, unable to sleep. He went back to his apartment briefly for a shower and a bite to eat, but was leaving again just as the sun was rising. Neji breathed in deeply as he made his way to the training grounds, enjoying the fresh, cool air. Dawn was his favourite time of the day - for a time, he didn't feel so out of the ordinary, the pale sky and the thin light reflecting his own complexion in every respect.

When he reached the training grounds, he was pleasantly surprised to see Lee and Gai there. The two of them, clad as ever in their green spandex suits, were apparently having a contest to see who could hold a handstand the longest using only one hand. Gai sensed Neji's arrival and turned to greet him, waving enthusiastically with his free hand.

"Neji-kun!" he exclaimed, his Nice Guy smile firmly in place, "I see you have regained the fervour of youth following your missi--AHA! I am victorious!"

Lee had turned eagerly at the sound of Neji's name, causing him to lose his balance and fall rather ungainly to the ground. He was up again in a flash, however, and at Neji's side.

"Neji-kun!" he shouted into Neji's face, seemingly oblivious to the relationship between distance and sound, "Your ploy to sabotage my competitions with Gai-sensei is surely cunning and hip – I am proud to call myself your rival!"

"Good morning, Lee-kun, Gai-sensei," Neji replied, having learnt the hard way that it was better to just ignore everything they said.

Thus the morning passed in a similar fashion. Sparring with Lee was something he had been doing for as long as he could remember, and having Gai-sensei watching over them proved to be a real trip down memory lane. 10 AM saw Gai heading back to his dojo for the morning lessons, and Lee called away to meet his genin team down by the river. Neji left the grounds feeling refreshed and grounded – he and Lee were rather evenly matched in taijutsu, but in any case, it was a pleasant change to fight with someone who wasn't trying to kill him. He was on his way to visit Sakura when one of the Rokudaime's frogs appeared in front of him, informing him that Naruto wished to speak with him. Neji sighed, having expected this, and changed his route for the Hokage's tower without acknowledging the frog, which quietly disappeared in a puff of smoke behind him.

Neji walked up the tower's winding stairs right to the top, where two ANBU were stationed in front of the door to Naruto's office. He nodded at them politely.

"Neji!" Kiba yelled appreciatively, his identity immediately apparent by the presence of his giant nin-dog Akamaru at his side. Akamaru barked with just as much gusto as his owner, causing Kiba's partner, who Neji believed to be Genma, to shake his head silently.

"What?" Kiba asked him, his blank ANBU dog mask in eerie contrast to his tone of voice, "Seriously man, what?" Genma didn't reply, staring fixedly at the portrait of the Sandaime on the opposite wall. "He's been like this all morning," Kiba said to Neji obliviously, "I have no idea why though, I haven't even done anything to him, I swear!"

Neji cleared his throat softly. "May I enter?" he asked, a faint smile visible on his lips.

"Oh right," Kiba said, stepping back, "Sure man, go on in."

"Neji-kun!" Naruto yelled from his place on the floor as Neji entered, his face splitting into huge grin. Neji failed to return the greeting due to his surprise at the scene in front of him – Naruto was sitting somewhat triumphantly on Uchiha's back, the Uchiha himself appearing to be sporting the Hokage's hat. He looked absolutely livid, and once again, Neji found himself thanking his lucky stars that he wasn't in Naruto's position.

"Naruto-sama," he replied, bowing formally. There was a faint chuckle from behind him, and Neji turned to see Nara enter the office and take his place at Naruto's desk. Neji's gaze fell to the floor abruptly as he felt Nara's eyes land on him.

"Nani?!" Naruto's yell temporarily distracted Neji from thoughts of Nara, "Get off my chair, Shikamaru!" Nara ignored him, calmly sorting through some papers. Naruto looked helplessly around, first to Neji, who looked alarmed, and then to Uchiha.

"Sasuke-kun!" he screeched, jumping off Uchiha's back in order to grab his shoulders and shake, "Make him get off my chair! That's a Hokage's chair! You actually have to be good at stuff to sit there!"

Uchiha extracted himself from Naruto's vice-like grip, sneering at the blond, "_You're_ the Rokudaime, dobe, _you_ tell him to get off. And plus, Shikamaru is like, a hundred times more intelligent than you. The only reason you were made Rokudaime is because you reminded Tsunade of her dead brother."

"NANI?!" came Naruto's ear-splitting reply. Neji couldn't help but smile, especially when Genma was forced to come in and separate the two. After the fight was broken up, Naruto was still glaring at both Uchiha and Nara as he perched on the edge of the desk, Nara somewhat gleeful at his position on the chair and Uchiha brooding silently near the window.

"You asked to see me, Hokage-sama," Neji prompted, amused at the antics but still wanting to leave the office some time that day. Naruto scrunched up his face, confused, causing Uchiha to sigh loudly and shake his head.

"The assassination mission," Uchiha supplied in a wearied voice. Naruto's face became serious as he suddenly remembered what he was supposed to be talking to Neji about.

"Yes, the mission," he said, suddenly all business, "Shikamaru filled you in on the details last night about I & T?" Neji nodded slightly, eyes skittering away as they met with Nara's gaze.

Naruto turned to Uchiha, who stepped forward. His relationship with Naruto was downright dysfunctional, but the two, over the past few years, had shown themselves to be completely inseparable. Consequently, the Uchiha had taken over a number of the more theoretical roles that were demanded of the Hokage, his coherency and intelligence in complete opposition to Naruto's brute strength and determination. In a way, they were the perfect team.

Uchiha cleared his throat. "Despite a mistake on your part," he said, "the mission itself will not be classed as a failure. The loss of Anko is…obviously painful, however you must be aware that you are not at fault. Based on your report of the mission, your decision to pursue the third enemy shinobi and to leave Sakura and Anko to fight the remaining two shinobi was the correct one. Nevertheless, the mistake you made with the shinobi you engaged was unsatisfactory and, frankly, the work of a second-rate ninja. Even though the threat was later contained, the mission required a much higher energy output than expected." Uchiha paused here and looked questioningly at Naruto, who nodded to him after a moment's pause.

"As a direct result of your actions," Uchiha continued, voice and face impassive, "you are hereby suspended from ANBU movements for two weeks. You will still be given missions as a jounin, however they will also be restricted to C rank and lower."

Neji absorbed the information in a state of shock, the words echoing in his mind in a surreal manner. He could feel three sets of eyes staring at him, waiting for his response, and he knew that he was in no position to plead his case – he was entirely guilty, and any punishment given to him he had earned.

"I understand," Neji replied, bowing once more. Two weeks without ANBU missions meant having to survive purely on low-paying C rank missions – no easy feat. Naruto looked uncomfortable at his place on the table.

"Neji," he said, hands outstretched awkwardly, "I have no choice. You know that. Failing to exterminate your target on an assassination mission and consequently failing to _realise_ your mistake are pretty big errors. I know that the sentence is pretty tough, but I expected better from you."

Neji was trying his hardest to remain passive and respectful, but inside his mind was whirling with embarrassment and self-loathing. Neji eyes flicked over to Nara, whose face was inscrutable as he stared back.

"Is that all, Hokage-sama?" Neji asked in a polite tone. Naruto sighed as his blue eyes searched Neji's face, looking older and more mature than Neji had ever seen him.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto replied, "You can go. Take a few days off to recover, then go down to the mission office. They should have something for you."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Neji said, bowing and turning to leave. He could feel eyes burning into his back all the way out.

--

The next few days passed slowly for Neji, as he found himself out of a job and with little to do. He visited Sakura out of courtesy, and she seemed to be recovering adequately. To Neji's surprise, Tenten had been sent on an ANBU mission with another cell, and he found himself missing her company. On the third day, Neji made his way to the mission office, eager for any sort of work, but was dismayed when he was turned away.

"Sorry, Neji-san," Iruka had said, scratching the back of his head, "There's just nothing by way of C rank missions. Come back in a few days, I might have something for you then."

Which was how Neji found himself back on his favourite meditation hill, enjoying the warm rays of the lunchtime sun. He was just beginning to get in touch with his energy centre when he felt a familiar presence coming towards him. Neji kept his eyes firmly shut until the presence had climbed the hill and stopped right in front of him, blocking his sun.

"I think I'm having déjà vu," Neji said quietly, acknowledging Nara's presence. He heard Nara snort, and decided he should open his eyes. Nara's face was peering down at him, a bright halo forming around it. Neji resisted the urge to laugh.

"I, er…" Nara began, hands sliding into pockets in what Neji realised was a somewhat defensive gesture, "I wanted to apologise for the other night. I shouldn't have said those things in the way I did…It was pretty insensitive, even for me."

Neji flushed, uncomfortable at the admission from the normally stoic Nara. "It's fine, Nara," he replied, not quite meeting his eyes, "I didn't exactly act perfectly myself either."

Nara sighed, squinting as he looked out over the village. "Still," he said, "I want to make it up to you. How about a game of shogi this afternoon? I've heard you're a pretty good player, and there's a free lunch thrown in as well."

Neji was quiet, frowning slightly as he processed Nara's words. He was astounded at Nara's sudden display of amity towards him. Nara wasn't exactly known around Konoha for actively making friends – most of his friends he had made through teams. So, Nara's invitation to play shogi, his second invitation to Neji in a week, seemed a little strange. Surely Nara couldn't be feeling that guilty about everything?

"Sure, Nara," Neji replied, in even less of a position to turn down food than the last time, "that'd be nice." If Nara wanted to be friendly with him, Neji reasoned, then why should they be friends? It's not as if Neji disliked the other man. If he was frank about things, Neji even felt a physical attraction to the man, despite him already having a girlfriend. Even if Nara wasn't single, what harm could it do to spend some time in the presence of an attractive man? 'Not much harm at all,' Neji said to himself, watching Nara's rather agreeable backside advance in front of him as they made their way, once again, to his apartment.


	4. If you leave me

A/N: Voilà chapter 4! It's extra long just for you lovely reviewers out there who are helping me to feel good about this story. Like I said before, I'm just having a lot of fun writing this story to unwind, so I'm taking it slow. But I do foresee a future for it, so continue reading : )

Please review!

* * *

_If you leave me, pretty mama,_

_Better not treat me right,_

_Just have to forget you,_

_After tomorrow night._

--

Playing shogi with Nara was completely different to playing with anyone else. For once, Neji actually felt as though he had a real opponent who challenged him. Neji had agreed to Nara's invitation expecting just one quick game followed by an equally short lunch, but even Nara had seemed surprised at how absorbed they both became in the game. Nara had won the first match, much to Neji's chagrin, but he made a come back in the second, taking Nara completely by surprise.

"You realise I haven't lost in like, over a year," he said with exaggerated seriousness, causing Neji to actually laugh. Apparently Nara had thought this very uncharacteristic, for he had shot Neji a surprised glance, lips forming a smile in response to the noise. Neji, in an unusually good mood after having been victorious, quipped back.

"Despite everything you've heard, Hyuugas do actually have feelings," he said with a small smile.

"Huh," Nara said, sniggering, "Coulda fooled me."

Neji stayed at Nara's apartment for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening, losing track of time as he played and talked with the other man. Nara was apparently full of surprises, and Neji himself was taken aback at how well they got along. It was true that Nara was characteristically lazy, however he was also observant, intelligent, and interested in a great number of things. Neji was beginning to see that the breadth of Nara's wit and shrewdness made up for a number of his lesser qualities that would have irritated Neji in a different person. He left the apartment that night – with plans for another shogi match for the week following – smiling to himself as he made his way home.

--

Days soon trickled into weeks as Neji found his life was beginning to move on from Anko's death. Presently, he found himself out of his suspension and back into ANBU life, training to find a new member for his cell with a handful of terse words from Naruto. It was good to be fighting again with Tenten and Sakura: even if it was only training, Neji had found himself missing their presence during his suspension. His fledgling acquaintance with Nara was flourishing thanks to their now weekly shogi matches, and Neji was beginning to feel contentment and a happiness to life that he hadn't felt since his father had been alive.

During his meditations, he still thought frequently of Anko, commemorating her spirit, however it seemed to him that her death had brought a fresh wave of vitality into his life. Whether it was the workings of fate or not, Neji was thankful to Anko for what seemed to be her final gift to him, and he attended her funeral with a sincere wish that her spirit find peace.

--

One particularly sunny Thursday afternoon found Neji in the midst of some intense training. He, Sakura and Tenten were testing out one of the new ANBU recruits for to complete their cell. The recruit – a tall, thin girl named Saito Moegi – had been timid when Neji had spoken with her, but quickly transformed into something completely different as they began to spar. Neji reckoned her to be around 16 or 17, very young for ANBU, and had been initially unwilling to test her out. Sakura, however, apparently knew the girl from her genin days and begged Neji to try her out. Neji had reluctantly agreed, and arranged a trial training session with Moegi.

As all members of ANBU recalled first-hand, ANBU trials were not something to be taken lightly. The method of testing was basically left to the leader of the cell, and after a recruit had been chosen, they had to be checked off with head of ANBU assassination. At first glance, Moegi had seemed shallow and meek, but all ninjas knew very well that first impressions were misleading. Neji decided on a training program that was essentially a survival test – he, Tenten and Sakura would attack her simultaneously without holding back. ANBU assassination was not a walk in the park, and Neji needed to be absolutely sure she could perform under pressure.

Neji had been initially impressed with the girl as she arrived having already figured out what would be waiting for her. She approached the ANBU training area warily, and would have surprised even Neji if it hadn't been for a small slip in her chakra mask. He signalled Tenten and Sakura to begin their attacks while he watched Moegi arrive from his position in the trees, analysing her technique.

She was fast; Neji's eyebrows rose as he watched her somersault across the clearing, dodging all of Tenten's basic weapons attacks. In fact, Neji was realising that she spent a lot of time running and not much time actually fighting. Tenten was having trouble keeping up with her speed, being a long-distance fighter, but Sakura managed to engage her in some hand-to-hand taijutsu. However, Neji was disappointed at her technique, which he had expected to be more developed.

Neji was so engrossed in pondering her strengths and weaknesses that he almost let out a cry of surprise as Moegi suddenly appeared in front of him in a puff of smoke. His first reaction was one of confusion – how had she known he was there? But as he activated his byakugan, he could see tendrils of chakra extending from her body, acting almost as feelers for other chakra presences around her.

"A chakra-sensor," Neji breathed as he dodged several exploding kunai. Moegi, her pretty face a picture of concentration, did not hear, and continued to attack Neji. He quickly lured her back down onto the ground to where Sakura and Tenten were waiting, and paused momentarily as he signalled to the two their next moves. But as he turned his head to look at Sakura, he suddenly found himself standing in the middle of small stream that was flanked by vast, looming trees.

The water was icy cold, and when Neji looked down, he could see strange leech-like creatures bunching around his feet. As he was moving his hands towards one another to send a flair of chakra through his system, two branches from the bank nearest to him shot out and wound tightly around his wrists. Other branches that wound around his torso and both his legs, effectively holding him over the stream, quickly followed them, and Neji wondered fleetingly why Tenten or Sakura hadn't dispelled the illusion yet.

Neji forced himself to remain calm as the branches quickly became tighter and tighter, restricting the blood flow to his brain. He took several deep breaths before pushing out with his chakra with all his might, effectively dispelling the genjutsu. When he opened his eyes, Neji saw both Tenten and Sakura lying on the ground, Moegi sitting in a tree a couple of metres back, her own eyes vacant and unseeing. He was impressed that she could maintain three different genjutsus at one time, however he wanted to test her awareness during the jutsus.

He had immediately performed a body-switching jutsu after having dispelled her illusion, using a henge on the log to make it look like him. Then he moved furtively across the clearing and into a position behind her, using his byakugan to dodge the searching chakra tendrils still coming from her body. Suddenly, he grabbed her from behind, a kunai placed at her throat. She gave a small cry as he grabbed her, but otherwise remained silent.

"Game over," Neji said quietly, releasing her. Sakura and Tenten stirred as the genjutsu was dispelled, both of them jumping up immediately and forming battle stances. They relaxed when they saw Neji.

"You may go now," Neji said to Moegi, "We shall contact you in a few days if you are successful." Moegi nodded slightly, face shining with sweat, and transported away.

"So, Neji," Tenten said as she and Sakura made their way over, "what do you think?"

"She's good, for how young she is," Neji conceded, "and her chakra-sensing abilities would certainly be an asset, if they were well-developed. Sakura?"

"I'm not sure…" Sakura replied, frowning slightly as she retied her hitai-ate, "She's got some weak points. I say we take her out on a trial mission, see how she does." Neji nodded once, and looked at Tenten, who shrugged.

"Sure," she replied, "I wouldn't mind that." She paused for a second, and then said: "She's very pretty, isn't she?"

Sakura snorted. "Yeah, if you like jailbait," she said, catching Neji's eye.

"No, Tenten's right," Neji said, earning a surprised look from Sakura, "We could use her looks for our infiltration missions."

"Oh, right," Sakura said, scratching her head absentmindedly, "because who wouldn't go for a piece of Moegi?" Neji smiled slightly, but was a little taken aback when he heard Tenten say "Exactly…" under her breath, biting her lip thoughtfully.

--

Neji was passing the Hokage tower on his way home after the training when he heard a voice call his name.

"Oi! Neji!" Neji turned to see Nara walking down the steps of the tower.

"Hello, Shikamaru," Neji replied, his mood suddenly lifting as Nara fell into step next to him.

"How was your training?" Nara asked, hand coming up to shade his eyes against the afternoon glare, "Have you got a new member yet?"

Neji shrugged. "The girl we were testing today seemed competent…" Neji said, sifting through the fight in his mind, "but she's very young. Only 16, or something." Neji turned his head to watch Nara's reaction, but he seemed as indifferent as ever, so Neji continued to voice his thoughts. "I just...keep wondering to myself - should someone as young as that be exposed to so much death? Is it really healthy?"

Nara made a non-committal response. "You're still on for our game this afternoon?" he asked, effectively changing the topic. Neji took another look at Nara, confused by his behaviour. Now that he looked more closely, he could see dark circles under Nara's eyes, and the man looked a little paler than usual. Neji was about to reply that yes, of course he was, when there was a shout from behind them, and a small girl with long, black hair came bounding around the street corner.

"Shikamaru-kun!" she yelled, her face lighting up in a huge smile. Neji now recognised her as Amaya, Kurenai's daughter, and he had to swallow down a laugh as the girl launched herself at Nara, the two of them falling to the ground.

"Oof!" Nara grunted as he hit the ground, "Amaya, what have I told you about jumping on me?" The little girl was already up and bouncing around Nara, seemingly extremely excited to see him. Neji held out a hand to Nara to help him up, which he took gratefully.

"Sorry," Amaya said, not looking very sorry at all. Actually, she seemed rather preoccupied with Neji, as she was staring at him unashamedly, her strange red eyes boring into his own.

"Hello," Neji said, uncomfortable at the scrutiny. To his relief, Nara stepped in.

"Amaya, this is Neji," he said, making a lazy gesture with his hand, "He's my friend. Neji, this is Amaya, Kurenai-san's daughter."

"Hello, Amaya," Neji said again, making a polite bow. Amaya said nothing at all, and continued to stare at him.

"Shikamaru-kun…" she asked, whispering conspiratorially behind her hand to Nara, "is that a Hyuuga?"

"Yes, Amaya, this is a Hyuuga," Nara said, sighing, "In fact, this is Hyuuga Neji. Please call him by his name." Amaya again said nothing, and continued to look at Neji suspiciously. Suddenly, her eyes turned wide and she tugged at Nara's sleeve.

"Ne, Shikamaru-kun, do we still have training tomorrow?" she asked, causing Nara to roll his eyes.

"Of course we do, Amaya," he replied, "we have training every week. Why would this week be any different?"

Amaya turned away and put a hand to her forehead dramatically, sighing. "Oh, I don't know," she said in an exaggerated voice, "I just thought you might want to spend time with your new friend, _Neji_."

Neji thought this very funny, even though she was obviously very suspicious of him, and couldn't suppress a short bark of laughter. Nara, however, was frowning, and had opened his mouth to reply to her when there came another shout from behind them. They all turned to see two more bundles of energy racing towards them calling Amaya's name. She looked at them excitedly, and quickly turned back to Nara.

"So I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked, already moving away to join her teammates without waiting for an answer. "Ok, bye Shikamaru-kun, bye _Neji_!" she called over her shoulder, her and her friends zooming away over the rooftops of the village. Nara watched them go, hand shading his eyes, his face set into a frown that Neji realised was actually a look of concern. He stayed in that position for a few moments, until sighing heavily and looking over to Neji.

"She can be a bit rude sometimes," he said by way of apology, shrugging slightly. Neji smiled slightly, and signalled for them to keep walking. They walked together quietly for a few moments.

"So you train her, then?" Neji asked, as they turned down Neji's street.

"Maa..." Nara said, hands coming up behind his head, "It's pretty troublesome. I made a promise to Kurenai-san after Asuma-sensei died that I would make her my apprentice."

Nara said all this with an air of indifference, but Neji was beginning to become an expert in reading the man's moods. As he let the two of them into his apartment, Neji could see the worry lines on Nara's forehead, as well as the restless movement of his eyes. It was obvious to Neji that Nara was thinking of what he had been saying earlier about letting Moegi join his cell. Clearly Nara was distressed about instructing youthful, vibrant Amaya in the very field that killed her father, a field that may very well end up killing her as well.

Neji waved towards his couch, indicating that Nara sit down. "You can't control them, you know," Neji said casually as he made his way to the sink, pouring two glasses of water. Neji watched out of the corner of his eye as Nara stiffened slightly. "If she wants to be a kuniochi, that's exactly what she'll be." He passed Nara a cup, and he took it distractedly, his dark eyes watching Neji. Neji held his gaze for a moment, before shivering slightly under its intensity and looking to the window. He downed his water in a gulp.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," he said nonchalantly, tying his long hair up into a bun, "Why don't you set up the shogi board?" Nara nodded distractedly. Neji left the room with his heart beating just that much faster, and he used the heat of the shower to clear his mind, reigning in his ever-growing physical attraction to the other man.

"Control yourself, Hyuuga," he said to himself as he looked into the mirror, "Just because you don't have anyone doesn't mean you should go weak at the knees for the first person that comes along!"


	5. Cocaine blues

A/N: I had a bit of fun with this chapter, even though I'm torturing Neji a little bit. I mean, the poor guy – everyone thinks he's this stuck up Hyuuga without any sex drive at all! Hope you guys enjoy.

Please give me feedback!

* * *

_Come on baby,_

_Dressed in white,_

_Hey, baby,_

_Won't you stay the night._

--

The atmosphere had remained tense throughout the evening, Neji having to shake his head every few minutes to stop himself from staring at Nara. Remarkably, Neji still ended up winning their shogi match, but only because Nara had been playing half-heartedly, distracted by his own thoughts. Nara had been unusually quiet and surly, even for him, and despite all his feelings, Neji still felt just a little bit relieved as he opened his door to let Nara out.

"Thanks for the game." Neji said, resorting instinctually to politeness. Nara pulled a face and smiled a little ruefully, toeing the wooden planks of Neji's porch with his shoe.

"I don't think I was much of a playing partner, this evening," he said. There was a short pause. "Anyway," he said, scratching his nose, "it's Chouji's birthday tomorrow and he's having a party, he asked me to invite you. Do you want to come?" Neji thought about this for a second, not surprised by the invitation – Chouji's birthday parties were well known in Konoha for being a little wild, and Neji had certainly enjoyed himself when he had gone in the past.

"Yes, I would like to come," Neji replied, squashing down the sudden wealth of possibilities that had sprung into his mind.

Nara smiled slightly. "I'll come by here at around eight tomorrow night, we can walk together."

"All right, see you then." Neji said, using all his self-control not to add on 'for our date' to the end of his sentence. Nara raised a hand in farewell.

"Ja," he said, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Neji couldn't stop a small chuckle from escaping his lips. The evening had been distinctively tense, seemingly ever since Neji had offered his advice about Amaya and he and Nara had had their staring contest. Maybe Nara had been a bit taken-a-back at how well Neji had read his mood? What ever it had been, Neji did not want a repeat of the surly Nara he had seen that evening, no matter how attractive he found him.

He walked back into the dark apartment, closing the door softly and sitting down on the couch. The lack of another presence in the room was emphasised with Nara's recent departure, and Neji found himself imagining, not for the first time, Nara returning to his apartment to find his pretty girlfriend waiting for him. Neji shifted on the couch, envisioning the girl running up to Nara as he entered and kissing him happily, pleased to see her boyfriend again. Normally Neji's daydreaming would end there, but the pent-up energy from their game was still circulating in Neji's system, so he continued, eager to let it out.

After having made sure no one was approaching, he settled back on the couch and closed his eyes, his hands slipping under the waistband of his pants. In Neji's mind, Nara would still be feeling uncomfortable after the awkward afternoon with Neji, so he too would willingly welcome any distraction. He would kiss her back passionately, hands creeping under her delicate little blouse. She would laugh delightedly as Nara's skilful hands undid her bra, her blonde curls bouncing prettily. She would pull off his shirt quickly, eager to touch the chest that was so familiar to her. Nara's chest would be tanned – like his arms and legs – and muscly, but in a lithe, athletic way, and she would love it, running her thin little fingers sensually over well-known contours.

Nara would then push her back into the kitchen and lift her up onto the counter, fitting himself snugly between her legs. He would kiss her deeply while his hands pushed up her floral skirt, revealing thin underwear. Nara would play with her for a while, fingers gently circling and massaging, and her head would fall back as she murmured his name. And when the time was right, when she was writhing and flailing under his ministrations, Nara would unzip his pants and enter her easily. Neither of them would last long. She would cry wantonly at each thrust, and wrap her long legs around Nara's body.

Nara would be sweating, and he would put his hand around Neji's neck to pull him into a rough kiss, the other hand gripping the counter for support. With one last thrust, the heat in Neji's stomach would coil almost painfully, his head falling back as he felt Nara come inside him. His own orgasm would follow almost immediately, aided by Nara's warm, calloused hands, his soft lips muffling Neji's groan.

Neji opened his eyes, his pants echoing throughout the dark, silent room. He sat there for a few minutes before walking to the bathroom to clean himself up. Neji felt startled at the sudden change his fantasy had taken. It was one thing to entertain a physical attraction for someone, he thought to himself, but it was something else altogether to fantasise about having sex with said someone. Neji's reflection seemed flushed and sickly when he looked in the mirror.

"This has got to stop." Neji murmured aloud, his face stern and disapproving. Feeling a little empty and lonely, Neji brushed his teeth and went to bed.

--

The next morning, Neji arranged to meet his teammates at a local café to discuss the recruit Moegi. He had risen early and completed some exercises at the training grounds, again relishing the fresh, clean air and the cool temperature. However, the training had no effect on his mood, and he left to meet Tenten and Sakura still wallowing in the negative emotions from the previous night.

The café was relatively busy for so early in the morning, and it seemed to house a lot of ninja who were taking a few minutes to relax before starting the day's work. Tenten and Sakura had already got them a table, and Neji went over to join them, tucking his long legs underneath him as he sat down on the pillow.

"Ohiyo, Neji-kun!" Tenten exclaimed with a smile, altogether too lively for so early in the morning. Sakura simply waved, and then turned back to the sheet of paper in front of her.

"Tenten, Sakura," Neji greeted. While he waited for Sakura to finish writing, he signalled to the waiter to bring him some tea.

"Oo-kay," Sakura said as the tea was placed in front of Neji. She looked up at Neji, who nodded at her to continue. "I've made up a list of positives and negatives regarding her technique. So far, in the positive column are her chakra-sensing abilities, her genjutsu, and, to a certain extent, her strategy and planning." She looked up again. "Agreed?"

"Agreed," Neji said.

Sakura continued. "And in the negative column are her taijutsu, her weapons use and her lack of experience. If I were to give her a rating out of 10, I'd probably say about a 6 or 7 – I mean, she must have a huge chakra reserve to maintain three genjutsus at the same time, and her chakra-sensing is a huge plus, but her basic technique is flawed." Tenten nodded, and pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket.

"I did a bit of research on Moegi," she said with a grin, "It says that she was on a genin team with Konohamaru, who's the grandson of the Third, as well as a guy called Udon, who was apparently killed during a B rank mission last year. She passed the chunin exams when she was 13, and then the jounin exams when she was 15, and everyone had good things to say about her. Godaime-sama _and_ Rokudaime-sama have sent her out on heaps of A rank missions, and she's consistently performed."

"When did she join ANBU?" Neji asked, twirling a spoon in his cup absently. Neji knew he should be paying attention, but his mind was on other things. Namely, one Nara Shikamaru who had just entered the café with his pretty, blonde girlfriend. With an unconscious sneer on his face, he watched as they sat down at a table near the door, and began to talk in earnest. Nara seemed animated and spirited, and Neji wondered bitterly what the girl had that made him act like that.

"Neji?" Tenten asked suspiciously, her voice snapping Neji back to the present conversation. "Are you even listening?"

"Yes, of course I am," he snapped, suddenly in even more of a bad mood than previously, "You said she joined ANBU last year…"

Tenten seemed a little taken-a-back at his attitude, but continued on regardless. "Well…She did a bit of work around Konoha, just security and surveillance…And she's been sent out on a couple of run of the mill assassination missions, but she asked to be removed from the cell because of differences with one of its members… And now she's trying to get into our cell."

Neji was still watching Nara furiously, feeling an unaccustomed sting of jealously as Nara laughed at what the girl was saying, his eyes crinkling with affection.

"What do you mean differences with one of its members?" Neji barked. He wasn't planning to let someone onto his team if they couldn't even control their emotions.

"Well, I'm not really sure," Tenten replied meekly, rather put-out by Neji's brusque tone, "I mean, it doesn't really say here what happened…"

"Well, find out." Neji said, before gulping down his tea. Sakura placed a hand on Tenten's arm sympathetically, before whipping her head round to Neji.

"What crawled up your ass this morning, Neji?" she asked, frowning. But Neji wasn't listening: he was too busy glaring at Nara as the civilian girl took his hand adoringly. Sakura, suddenly angry at Neji's uncharacteristic behaviour, followed his line of sight and saw Nara Shikamaru sitting at a table with his cousin Nara Tomiko. She was momentarily confused: Neji didn't go for civilian girls, especially blon—

"Or maybe, what didn't crawl up your ass," Sakura said slowly with a wicked grin on her face, her green eyes raking Shikamaru's form appreciatively. Neji's eyes whipped over to Sakura's face, and he was momentarily speechless. So, apparently, was Tenten.

"What…?" Tenten said, frowning slightly. Sakura giggled.

"Neji's got a thing for Shikamaru," she leered, her eyes glinting maniacally, "He's been checking him out this whole time." Neji, who was silently reeling for being so obvious, snorted. His motto was: when in doubt, deny, deny, deny.

"Nara?" he said in a disbelieving tone, "That lazy piece of ass? I barely even know him." Sakura just laughed evilly, seemingly gaining confidence with her new discovery. Tenten, however, was worrying silent, her brown eyes downcast.

"You haven't acted like this since that time with Shizune!" Sakura cackled, clearly enjoying herself. "Let me see: you've been playing weekly shogi games with Shikamaru for a few months now, and I know for a fact that you had one yesterday; you were acting fine up until Shikamaru arrived a few minutes ago, at which point you ignored all conversation in favour of glaring at Tomiko angrily…" Sakura stopped, tapping her lips thoughtfully. "Aha! Something must have happened last night!"

Neji blanched internally, cursing Sakura's deductive reasoning skills. He realised he had to leave before she deduced anything else about his feelings.

"Ahem," he said, trying to regain a sense of integrity, "Ah, yes, about the recruit. Based on our discussion, I shall contact her and invite her to join us on our next mission as a trial. Do you all agree?" he asked, giving them no time to answer before jumping in with, "Very well. Thank you for your time."

He stood quickly, knocking over his teapot in his haste, which fell to the ground and shattered, gaining the attention of the café patrons including Shikamaru and his cousin. Sakura, obviously completely stupefied at Neji's atypical behaviour, began to giggle gleefully, immensely enjoying watching the normally unperturbed Hyuuga. Shikamaru, having seen that it was Neji who caused the commotion, called over the café.

"Oi, Neji!" he called, smiling amiably, "A bit clumsy today, aren't we?" Neji, who was now burning with embarrassment, forced out a fake laugh before exiting from the café at top speed.

"You have to pay for the teapot!" he heard Sakura call as he fled the scene for his favourite meditation hill.


	6. They're leaving me behind

A/N: Here's chapter 6 (the longest chapter yet), hope you enjoy it. I certainly had fun writing it!

Please read and review :)

* * *

_For some, there's a future to find,_

_But I think they're leaving me behind._

--

After a few hours of meditation, Neji felt somewhat recovered from his mortifying experience at the café that morning. He didn't know what had come over him – his feelings for Shikamaru were seriously getting out of hand, and it seemed to him that know other people knew about them, they became more real. But Neji didn't know what to do. How do you stop yourself from being physically attracted to someone? 'But it's not just physical attraction…' his mind supplied thoughtfully. If Neji thought about it long enough, he'd realise that he was also attracted to Shikamaru's mind, his wit, his sense of humour, his…Neji sighed, standing up from his spot on the hill. Normally he would have gone and talked to Tenten, but he had a nagging feeling that she had been as surprised at Sakura's discovery as Neji had.

With nothing else to do except wait for the party that evening, Neji decided to visit Moegi to inform her that she had been accepted for a second trial. After a bit of poking around, he discovered her address, which was located on the posh side of the village (near Neji's apartment, coincidentally), and he made his way there.

"Hyuuga-san!" she said as she opened the door, seemingly out of breath. She was wearing long pyjama pants and a t-shirt that appeared to be inside out. She looked distinctly dishevelled.

"Moegi," Neji said by way of greeting, "Sorry to drop by unexpectedly, but I'm here to inform you that you've been accepted for a second trial. You are to accompany us on our next mission and we will assess your skills in a more strenuous environment."

"Oh!" she said distractedly, "Thank you very much, Hyuuga-san!" Neji opened his mouth to reply, and then saw a woman he didn't recognise emerge from the bedroom of the apartment, equally dishevelled.

"Moegi?" the woman called confusedly, not able to see Neji from her position. Moegi immediately went bright red, and began to laugh nervously. Neji, however, was astounded – was everyone in the entire village getting some except him?

"I think I've come at a bad time," Neji said, bowing politely, "You shall be notified as to when the mission will be. Goodbye."

"Ah, goodbye Hyuuga-san," Moegi replied, face still burning. As Neji walked down the apartment steps and onto the street, he suddenly heard peals of laughter coming from Moegi's apartment. Neji frowned, and suddenly found himself in the same bad mood he had been in before meditation.

--

Neji spent the rest of the afternoon taking care of some menial tasks. He went out briefly to restock his cupboards, which were absolutely bare, and returned to clean his bathroom and living room. After effectively terminating every single speck of dust in his apartment (he was a Hyuuga, after all, and Hyuugas were _awesome_), he had a shower and cooked himself a simple dinner. He ate it on the couch while reading a particularly engrossing book on strategy and defensive fighting. The brilliant golden light shining through his window faded to grey, and then black, and Neji became so absorbed in the book that he didn't notice a chakra presence approaching the apartment. The knock on his door made him jump, and he leapt up to answer it, feeling vaguely disorientated.

"Yo," Shikamaru said when Neji opened the door, looking as attractive as ever in his black jounin shirt and jeans. Neji was momentarily speechless as he relived the events at the café from that morning: but then he shook himself, and replied.

"Hello, Shikamaru," he said, stepping out of the apartment and shutting the door, "Shall we go?" Shikamaru grunted and followed Neji down the steps. They walked in silence for a while, until Shikamaru spoke.

"You seemed a little flustered today at the café," he said casually, eyes flicking furtively to Neji's face, "Was everything all right?"

Neji was struggling to keep a straight face, but managed to spit out a "Yep, fine", which seemingly appeased Shikamaru. He hoped his monosyllabic response would stop Shikamaru from pursuing the topic, but no such luck.

"It was pretty funny though, seeing Sakura arguing with the waiter about the teapot after you left," he said, chuckling, "She can be kind of scary sometimes, Sakura can. My cousin Tomiko, who I was with this morning, said that Sakura reminded her of the Godaime, and I have to say…" Neji had stopped walking, so great was his shock. Shikamaru didn't realise for a few seconds, continuing to chatter obliviously to no one, before opening his eyes and turning around.

"Neji?" he said, squinting concernedly at Neji, who seemed to be staring at something on the ground. Shikamaru seemed confused, even worried at Neji's behaviour. Neji, on the other hand, was having an internal meltdown.

"She's your cousin," he whispered, disbelieving.

Shikamaru frowned. "Yeah, that's what I just said. Neji, are you all right?"

His cousin. His _cousin_. He…he had imagined Shikamaru having sex with his cousin!

"That's _disgusting_!" Neji exclaimed out loud, an expression of nausea on his face. Shikamaru, who thought Neji was talking about Tomiko, looked affronted.

"Excuse me," he said, coming up to Neji and poking him in the chest, "I'll have you know that Tomiko is a very pretty and well-liked woman!" Neji was confused for a second, before realising what had happened.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean your…cousin, was disgusting," he insisted, hands waving wildly in front of him, "I was, ah, talking about the, um, the tea that fell onto my pants! Yes, the tea stained my pants and it was…disgusting." Neji finished lamely. There was silence for a few seconds as Shikamaru glared suspiciously at Neji, who had put on his best lying face. Then, the silence got too much for Neji, who started to laugh.

"You're strange, Neji," Shikamaru declared as Neji doubled over from laughter.

"Sorry, I, haha, I'm sorry," Neji wheezed, trying to control the laughter. He hadn't laughed like this since he was a kid. After a while, the laughs died down, and Neji straightened, wiping away a tear from his eye. Shikamaru was still eying him strangely.

"Are you all right now?" he asked in a sarcastic voice. Neji collected himself, clearing his throat and smoothing his hair.

"Ah, yes," he replied, squashing down an errant chuckle that was threatening to escape, "thank you, Shikamaru."

"Hmmm," Shikamaru replied as they began to walk again, "I don't see what's so funny."

"Maybe it's better that you don't," Neji replied dryly.

--

They arrived at the party soon after that, Neji feeling better than he had in days. Chouji had decided to rent out a bar for the night, but there was still barely enough room for all his guests. Shikamaru left Neji's side almost immediately, muttering something about finding Chouji, and Neji was left standing alone near the bar. He then caught sight of Tenten and Lee sitting in a booth along with Sakura and Ino. By that time, they had seen him as well, and Lee was up and dragging Neji to the booth in no time.

"Neji-kun!" Lee greeted him enthusiastically, "I hope this evening finds you with the full vigour of youth!"

"Hello, Lee," Neji replied wearily, sliding in next to Tenten, "How are you?" He was doing his best to ignore Sakura, whose eyes were gleaming in the same way as that morning.

"Hey, Neji," Tenten slurred next to him as she leaned dangerously to one side, "You're looking great this evening." Neji looked at her, appalled. He then looked at Sakura.

"How long have you been here?" he asked, politely removing Tenten's head from his shoulder. Sakura smiled, and replied.

"Oh, about half an hour," she said airily, taking a sip of her champagne, "Tenten's been at it hard ever since my discovery today," She exchanged a meaningful glance with Ino.

"So, Neji," Ino drawled, her long blonde hair untied and flowing past her shoulders, drawing attention to her impressive cleavage, "Sakura here was telling me about your little crush."

"Oh no," Neji said, his stomach dropping, "You didn't, Sakura. You can't have. Not Ino." Sakura just cackled and nestled further into Lee's side. That's it, Neji thought to himself, Sakura was officially off the team. She was pure evil.

"Oh yes, Neji," Ino replied, raising her glass to him sardonically, "She told me. And I was very excited to hear that you're interested in Shikamaru-kun – I mean, just look at the man! He's practically a sex god." Neji was still too busy gaping at Sakura to notice Lee's face.

"I need a drink," Neji said sullenly, his good mood destroyed by the evil, scheming woman he used to call his teammate. As he made his way through the throng of people towards the bar, he heard Lee's belated response to Ino's comment.

"SHIKAMARU-KUN?!" Lee shrieked, causing a lot of people in the bar to turn and look at the booth. Neji hurried towards the bar, thankful that he wasn't still sitting there.

He sat down on one of the stools, and ordered a large scotch from the barman. When the barman placed it in front of him, a sympathetic look on his face, Neji downed it in one, and ordered another. He was so busy brooding that he didn't notice someone sit down next to him.

"Hyuuga-san?" came the voice, causing Neji to jump. He turned to see Moegi sitting next to him, looking – for want of a better word – _hot_ in a short black skirt and a silky green shirt.

"Moegi?" Neji replied thickly, "What are you doing here?" Moegi just smiled, a tad flippantly.

"I wanted to apologise for this afternoon," she said, effectively changing the subject, "I didn't mean to be rude or anything, it's just you caught me at a really…_bad _time."

Neji turned back to the bar, snorting into his glass. "Yeah, right," he scoffed, "a '_bad_' time…Bet it was bloody great." Moegi seemed to have been shocked into silence at Neji's comment. She'll have a field day with this, Neji thought bitterly to himself. He could see the gossip headline now: Hyuuga comes down off high horse and acts human.

"Ah, Hyuuga-san?" she asked tentatively, trying and failing to clandestinely take his drink away from him, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Moegi," he replied, snatching the glass back and finishing it in a single gulp. "Really," he added, seeing the look on her face.

"Well, if you're sure…"she said uncertainly.

"I am."

"In that case," she said, standing up decisively, "Do you know where Tenten is? I haven't seen her at all this evening." Neji waved vaguely behind him, faintly aware that he may be sending Tenten a woman eater. Oh well, he thought, at least _she'll_ be getting some tonight. Moegi gave her thanks and pranced away in the direction of Neji's wave. It was at that point that Neji made the decision that he would get completely hammered that night, missions be damned.

He ordered two more scotches from the barman, and downed them quickly, before stumbling away from the bar in search of something stronger and cheaper. Which was how he found himself at a booth with Naruto, Uchiha, Kakashi and Ibiki, who all seemed to be participating in some kind of drinking game.

"Neji-kun!" Naruto yelled as Neji slid into the booth, planting a sloppy kiss on Neji's cheek. Uchiha, who – strangely enough – looked as drunk as Neji, pulled Naruto away from him, disgusted.

"Control yourself, dobe," he slurred, shoving some shots in Neji's general direction in apology.

"Good evening, Rokudaime-sama!" Neji greeted with a sarcastic grin on his face, downing the shots gratefully.

"Hyuuga," Ibiki boomed menacingly, "You know the rules to this game?" Neji shrugged. "Well, it's called Have You Ever. Basically, you ask a question beginning with "have you ever…" and if you answer the question with a yes, you have to take a shot. If it's a no, you just sit there looking pretty." Neji nodded, noting vaguely that Ibiki had just called him pretty.

"Yosh!" Kakashi yelled, pouring out a shot of something for all of them. "Ibiki-kun, it's your turn to ask." Ibiki grabbed his shot and looked at it contemplatively. Then a maniacal grin blossomed on his face, and he looked up.

"All right," he said, "Have you ever…deserted the village and gone to live with a crazy paedophile?" Kakashi and Naruto roared with laughter; Uchiha was busy sending Ibiki his deadliest glare. Neji didn't know what to think – was it okay to joke about this sort of thing?

"Go on, Sasuke," Naruto yelled, "Drink up!" Uchiha sent an equally deadly glare to Naruto, and downed the shot. There was a collective roar of approval from the table.

And so Neji passed some time at that particular booth. Just as Naruto was asking a particularly lewd question ("Have you ever… fantasised about Tsunade?"), Neji got up from the table in search of the bathroom. He turned back for a second to look at the table, and was horrified to see all four men taking their shots. He shuddered slightly, and kept walking. After a lengthy interrogation of the barman, Neji learnt that the toilets were located outside at the back of the building, so he pushed through the crowd. He shivered slightly as he stepped into the cool evening, walking down the alleyway and finding the toilets with relative ease. However, when he had finished and was beginning to walk back up the alley to the entrance, he heard a faint noise to his right. And, being a ninja, Neji just had to investigate.

The noise seemed to be coming from a small alleyway that branched off of the one he was currently standing in. He walked slowly towards it, not really able to see in the dark, but definitely hearing the noises getting louder. It sounded like someone was crying…No, not crying…Maybe, laughing? Not able to see anything in the dark, Neji activated his byakugan, and was greeted with a very erotic sight: Tenten was pressed up against the brick wall, her head thrown back and arms splayed out as Moegi's lips travelled down her body. Moegi's shirt was lying discarded next to the two, and Tenten's soon joined it as Moegi quickly whipped it off. Tenten's hands came down off the wall and were buried in Moegi's hair, pushing her down from where she was currently giving Tenten a hickey on her neck. Moegi seemed to get the message, for she crouched down and began to open the buttons on Tenten's pants. Tenten made a strange whimpering sound as Moegi's thin hands found their way into her underwear.

Suddenly, Neji deactivated the byakugan and fled. He made his way silently back to the entrance to the bar, and slid down the wall, sitting, somewhat stunned, on the floor. He had been utterly frozen as soon as he had activated the byakugan: the sight of Tenten – the woman that was more like a sister to him that anything else – participating in such a raw, sexual act had shocked him and glued his feet to the ground.

After getting over his initial shock at seeing Tenten and Moegi, Neji began to realise that his position on the floor was actually very comfortable. Very comfortable indeed, he thought to himself. Much better than any of those hard booths inside. Why, this would be the perfect place to go to sleep – he was feeling quite sleepy. Neji decided that he would just have a little nap here, and then he would go back and join the party…

"Neji?" a voice came from somewhere above him, interrupting a rather nice dream he had been having about meditation. "Neji?" the voice called again, sounding…amused? Neji thought he had better open his eyes, and he was greeted with the sight of Shikamaru peering down at his face, cigarette in hand.

"Shikamaru!" Neji exclaimed enthusiastically, noting the strange slur to his voice, "The man himself." Shikamaru frowned slightly.

"You're drunk." he observed, taking a drag on his cigarette.

"And you're smoking," Neji replied, trying to hoist himself up from his position on the ground, and failing miserably. Warm hands shot out and grabbed hold of Neji, hauling him up to a standing position. Neji caught one of the hands before it released him. "Huh," Neji murmured, turning Shikamaru's hand in his own, "Just as soft as I imagined," Neji looked up at Shikamaru's face, and burst out laughing when he saw his expression - Shikamaru's eyes were wide open, and he was staring at the Hyuuga as if he had just sprouted an extra head.

"Ummm," Shikamaru said intelligently, not paying any attention to the cigarette in his free hand that was rapidly burning. "Shit!" he exclaimed as the cigarette burnt his fingers, dropping the offending item to the ground and pulling his other hand out of Neji's grasp. Shikamaru glared in turn at the cigarette on the ground, his mildly burnt finger, and Neji.

"Look what you just made me do," Shikamaru said in an accusatory tone, thrusting his burnt finger towards Neji, "Look at it!" Neji leaned back a little to avoid being poked in the eye with said finger.

"I'm looking, Shikamaru," Neji muttered, pushing the other man's hand away from his face, "But I don't see how it was my fault." Shikamaru scoffed at Neji, cornering him against the wall and poking him, for the second time that night, in the chest.

"You just waltz in here," Shikamaru said, hands gesticulating wildly, "and start talking about how soft my hands are, not to mention the looks you've been sending me all evening, and then you go and make me burn my finger with my cigarette! I've _never_ burnt my finger with a cigarette." Neji raised an eyebrow in what he hoped was an attractive way.

"Firstly, I didn't 'waltz in here', as you said. You actually found _me_ asleep on the ground, and _you_ woke me up. Secondly, I have not been sending you 'looks' all evening. And thirdly," Neji said, smirking, "I can't help it if you think I'm so irresistible that you can't concentrate on your cigarette." Shikamaru's eyes went even wider, and he opened his mouth as if to protest, but no sound came out. Neji just patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"There, there, Shikamaru," Neji said smugly, "You're not the only one who's affected by my looks. I get it all the time." Neji pushed past the gob-smacked Shikamaru, with the intent of going back into the bar and finding more alcohol. However, he seemed to be having quite a bit of trouble walking, and couldn't quite get his feet to take him into the warm entrance. Behind him, he heard Shikamaru snigger.

"Well," he said, hands grabbing onto Neji's shoulders and steering him in a direction that definitely wasn't the bar, "You might be attractive, but you're still a lightweight."

"Where are we going?" Neji asked contentedly, his drunken mind not realising that Shikamaru had just called him beautiful.

"My apartment," Shikamaru replied, not really objecting when Neji draped an arm over his shoulder and leant against him heavily, "It's closer than yours, and you really are drunk."

"Yes," Neji replied, absently playing with a strand of Shikamaru's hair that had escaped his ponytail, "I suppose I am. Lead on, then!" Neji heard Shikamaru sigh loudly, and then mutter under his breath.

"So troublesome."

--


	7. All my trials

A/N: So, this chapter turned out a lot darker than I had intended it to be. I just really want to try and capture Neji and Shikamaru as they would realistically be: both seasoned shinobi, both having had to suppress their emotions all their lives. Yeah, so, there's quite a bit of swearing in this one. I hope you enjoy it anyway, and remember (I have to keep reminding myself), they will get together eventually!

* * *

_But it's too late, my friend,_

_Too late,_

_But never mind._

--

He was running silently down a dark corridor, sweat dripping from his face. Where were they? He stopped to open a door, peering in before slamming it quickly and continuing down the corridor. Come _on_, they had to be here. He could hear groans coming from the rooms, and through the windows on the doors he could see people – at least what he thought to be people – mutilated beyond belief. Blood seeped through from under the doors and formed pools in the corridor, making him slip and slide as he ran. Where _were_ they! He came to the end of the corridor, panting loudly. In front of him was a door leading to the outside, slightly ajar so that he could hear the screams and yells and clangs coming from the fight. At least his diversion was working. Just as he was tensing his muscles to go and join the fight outside, he heard a faint noise from behind him. In a flash, he opened the door nearest to the exit and inhaled a sharp breath.

Sakura was sitting on the floor next to a dead body, holding its arm to her mouth. She turned slowly at the sound of the door being opened.

"I'm sorry, Neji," Sakura said in a lifeless tone, bits of flesh falling out of her mouth, "They don't feed us." Neji found his feet moving of their own accord as he moved into the room, his position revealing the identity of the corpse.

"Tenten," he whispered, feeling his blood run cold. Her face was bloodied and puffed as if she had been beaten, her glassy, brown eyes staring at nothing. He felt eyes boring into him, and turned to see Sakura watching him without expression, Tenten's dead arm dangling in her grasp.

"I'm just so hungry," she said, raising the arm to her mouth again—

"NO!" Neji screamed, sitting bold upright. "Sakura?" he called, trying to get up, but finding himself hampered by what appeared to be rope made of linen. "Tenten!" he cried, thrashing wildly to try and get free from his constraints. He had to find them; he had to stop Sakura from doing that!

"Hey!" came a voice from behind him, "Hey, calm down." A hand shot out and grabbed his chin roughly, turning Neji's head, but Neji couldn't see who it was, all he could see was Tenten's face, her arm, her—

THWAK. Suddenly Neji's vision cleared, and he saw Shikamaru kneeling next to him on the bed, looking concerned.

"…Shikamaru?" Neji murmured, hand coming up to the cheek that Shikamaru had punched. Shikamaru let out a large breath, and jumped off the bed.

"I'll get you a glass of water," he said, opening the door and walking out into another room. Neji sat for a while on the bed, breathing heavily, before actually looking around to figure out where he was. The room was quite small, painted white, with a large window on the wall that the double bed was pushed up against. On the bedside table was another picture of Shikamaru's genin team, Shikamaru standing in the middle with Ino and Chouji on either side. Wait a minute, he thought to himself. Chouji. Chouji…

Then everything came back to him. The party. Moegi and Tenten. Drinking a lot of alcohol. Shikamaru and his burnt finger. Shikamaru's apartment. Crawling onto Shikamaru's bed. "Oh, _shit_," he muttered under his breath just as Shikamaru walked back into the room with a glass in hand.

"Here," Shikamaru murmured, passing Neji the glass. Mumbling his thanks, Neji drank the water quickly, placing the empty glass on the bedside table before finally looking up at Shikamaru properly. And realising that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Shikamaru's hair was out of its normal ponytail and sticking up at all different angles. There were large bags under his eyes, and he looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep. Also, his chest.

"Do you have dreams like that a lot?" Shikamaru asked quietly as he tied up his hair, his dark eyes watching Neji blankly. Neji restrained the urge to shiver, and swung his legs over the side of the bed, absently noting that he, too, was shirtless.

"Yeah," he breathed, massaging his eyes with his fingers. His head was pounding something fierce. When he opened his eyes again, Shikamaru was still watching him, although this time with something like empathy. Neji ran through last night's events in his mind, finding that he couldn't really remember what had happened after they had arrived at Shikamaru's.

"Did we…Did anything...?" Neji trailed off, making a vague gesture towards the bed.

"Nah," Shikamaru said calmly, scratching the back of his head. Neji couldn't figure out whether he was relieved or disappointed.

"Right," he replied, standing up and looking around the room for his shirt, "Right." He spotted it lying near the door to the living room. Picking it up, he turned back to Shikamaru who was still watching him with an unreadable expression.

"I'm going to use the bathroom," Neji said, pulling the t-shirt over his head. Shikamaru didn't reply.

Neji walked out of the room and opened the bathroom door, relived to be out of the bedroom. The tension, whatever type it was, felt stifling to Neji, as if there were a hundred things they both wanted to say, but couldn't. Neji went to the sink and turned on the tap, splashing some water on his face and neck. Then, he squeezed some toothpaste onto his finger and 'brushed' teeth, eager to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth. After washing out his mouth, he spotted some cologne on the shelf and dabbed a bit onto his neck and wrists, effectively masking the smell of sweat until he could have a proper shower.

He looked up from drying his face with a towel to see Shikamaru enter, closing the door quietly behind him and bringing all those unspoken words and feelings with him. Their eyes met in the mirror, and Neji watched as Shikamaru moved so that he was behind Neji, who was in front of the sink. Neji's stomach muscles tensed involuntarily, and he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but closed it again when he saw the expression on Shikamaru's face.

Shikamaru slowly raised his hands and placed them on Neji's head, never breaking eye contact with Neji. He began to massage Neji's head languidly yet surely, his supple, calloused fingers working Neji's skin. Neji felt the pressure in his temples dissipate gradually, and he noted with some surprise that Shikamaru was almost the same height as him.

"Tell me about the dream," Shikamaru muttered softly, his voice making Neji's skin prickle uncomfortably. Neji followed the movements of Shikamaru's hands through his hair.

"I was on a retrieval mission," Neji said after a while, "Sakura and Tenten were being held at a sort of…torture facility. When I found them, Tenten was already dead, and Sakura was eating part of her arm because she hadn't been fed for days. Then I woke up."

Shikamaru was watching him intently, his dark eyes hard and intense, but Neji was more interested with what was happening that moment than with the more morbid aspects of his sub-conscious.

"Harder," Neji murmured, his eyes sliding closed and his mouth falling open as Shikamaru complied, increasing the pressure of his fingers. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, Neji losing himself in the sensual feeling of Shikamaru's fingers in his hair and on his skin. He felt Shikamaru move closer to him, his body radiating heat.

"You're wearing my cologne," Shikamaru almost purred, blowing warm breath onto Neji's neck and making him shiver. Neji opened his eyes and looked at Shikamaru through the mirror, aware of the tension in the atmosphere.

"I hope you don't mind," Neji said quietly, watching the other man's face as if searching for clues. Shikamaru just smiled slightly and started moving his massage down onto Neji's neck and shoulders. Neji let slip a groan of pleasure as those strong fingers started working at a knot on his shoulder.

"Neji," Shikamaru breathed, his hands giving up the massage in favour of simply touching. He ran them down Neji's shoulder blades, across Neji's sides and around onto his chest, causing Neji's stomach to quiver and contract in anticipation. Those hands! All Neji's self-control and discipline was shattered at their touch. Neji's head fell back onto Shikamaru's shoulder as he was accosted with sensation, reaching out with his own hands and pulling Shikamaru's body closer to his. Neji hadn't been touched like this for years. His sensation-befuddled mind didn't stop once to think about what was happening, what the consequences might be. For once, Neji felt himself drowning in touch and sensation, willing Shikamaru's hands to remove all traces of the dream.

Neji turned in Shikamaru's embrace, suddenly wanting to be closer, more intimate with the man. Shikamaru's presence was intoxicating, and this close to him, Neji could see his dark eyes smouldering with an almost primitive desire. This is it, Neji thought, this is finally it. He brought a hand up to Shikamaru's face, his fingers caressing the man's chin and cheek, grazing over his bottom lip. Shikamaru leant forward slightly, pushing Neji against the sink, his hand pulling roughly at Neji's neck just like in his fantasy. Their lips were almost touching; Neji could feel Shikamaru's breath on his mouth…

"SHIKAMARU-KUN!" came a yell from the front door, accompanied by some loud, persistent knocks. Shikamaru jumped back from Neji with a loud "fuck!", a blush creeping up his face. He looked at Neji helplessly, opening his mouth to say something when another yell interrupted.

"Shikamaru-kun, I know you're in there!" Neji distantly recognised the voice as Ino's, "Open up before I break the door down!" Shikamaru looked again at Neji, as if for confirmation, but he just stared, just as blinded by desire now as he had been by fear from the dream. With a lingering glance at Neji, Shikamaru opened the bathroom door and strode purposefully across to the front door. Neji heard the latch turn, and listened as Ino's voice got louder as she entered the apartment.

"Ino," he heard Shikamaru greet, his voice thankfully calm and even. God knows how Neji would sound if he tried to speak. "You don't have to yell like that, you know." Ino ignored him.

"So, how are you feeling after last night?" she said in an all-knowing tone of voice, "I saw you down quite a few."

"I'm fine," Shikamaru replied shortly. There was a noise that sounded like the fridge opening.

"Did you get any action?" Ino asked, cockily. Neji heard Shikamaru snort.

"Yeah, right, Ino," he replied, not actually having to lie. There was a short pause.

"Oh, cut the shit, Shikamaru," Ino said, her change of tone vaguely registering in Neji's mind, "I know Hyuuga is in your bathroom. You've been fucking all night long, haven't you? It doesn't really surprise me, though; with the looks you've been sending each other over the past few months. I could've cut the sexual tension with a knife."

Neji caught his breath in the bathroom, not hearing any sort of reply from Shikamaru. The haze from the desire and the alcohol was lifting, and it was as if he was being woken up for the first time that morning. He suddenly realised what the hell he was doing, and wanted out. This was out of his comfort zone.

"Look, Ino," Shikamaru said, his tone surprisingly harsh, "Neji and I have not been fucking all night, like you said, even though I wouldn't be much adverse to it. Both of us fell asleep almost as soon as we got back, and we've only just woken up." The sounds of footsteps. "There you have it, a low-down of our night. Now stop your little matchmaker thing you're doing and just _piss off_." There was silence for a little while: Ino must have realised how angry she had actually made Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru," she began conciliatorily, "I didn't mean to…It was just a joke. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't very funny," Shikamaru snapped, "Ino, why don't you just go now? I'll catch up with you later." A pause.

"All right," Ino mumbled. Neji heard the sounds of footsteps, and then the door latch. "I'm sorry, Shikamaru. I really am."

"I know," came Shikamaru's reply, "Just…I'll see you later." The door closed.

Neji inhaled a big breath, and came out of the bathroom. Shikamaru was at the door, hand still poised over the latch. Neji stood near the couch for a few seconds, eyes flicking to the window. He had to get out; he needed to have a shower and to _think_, to rationalise, to sort out his feelings. Shikamaru, obviously distracted by his fight with Ino, did not notice the change in atmosphere.

"The first...whatever this is I have for years," he said as he made his way over to the couch, sounding bitter, "and she goes and does this. She's had boyfriends pouring out of her ears ever since she hit puberty." He sat down heavily, still staring angrily at the door. "She's practically family to me, but sometimes she really doesn't know when to stop." Shikamaru turned his head towards Neji, frowning at his lack of response. "Neji…?"

"You talked about me as if we were…together," Neji muttered in a low voice, his eyes not meeting Shikamaru's. Stop, Hyuuga, he thought, you don't have to hurt him. But Neji's mouth moved on its own, as if replying to the more basic instinct to flee. Shikamaru had half gotten up from the couch, seemingly frozen by Neji's words. "You have no idea how I feel."

"Neji…" Shikamaru murmured, countless emotions flicking on his face. Neji saw confusion, betrayal, embarrassment, hurt, anger.

"Just…stay there!" Neji heard himself say; he felt his face distorting, "Don't touch me! You, your body, your_ stupid _hands….you're messing up my mind. I haven't been able to think straight for weeks." Shikamaru stood up properly, his own face twisting into a sneer.

"I can't help it if you think I'm so irresistible that you can't even concentrate on your _life_," Shikamaru spat, echoing Neji's own words from the night before. Obviously Neji had stepped over a line. Shikamaru's hands were clenched at his sides and his face red – he was more alive than Neji had ever seen him. Neji felt hot, as if he had a fever, and he was suddenly afraid of the sheer energy seeping out from the other man.

"Kami…" Neji moaned, looking away, "This is not allowed to happen. I'm a shinobi." Shikamaru laughed a hollow laugh and advanced.

"It's called desire, Neji," he hissed, his eyes narrowing, "Passion, lust, attraction, longing."

"Stop…" Neji murmured, taking steps backwards. His mind was cloudy, he couldn't _think_! He couldn't hear his own thoughts over Shikamaru's voice.

"You want to fuck me," Shikamaru breathed, invading Neji's personal space and suddenly pushing him against the wall, pressing his own body against Neji's.

"Just shut up for a second!" Neji snapped, hands coming up roughly to his temples.

"I want to fuck you," Shikamaru continued, his hands running over Neji's clothed arse. It was all too much – he needed to get away from this place.

"Shut up!" Neji yelled, pushing Shikamaru roughly away and making the hand signs for a transportation jutsu.

"Neji!" he heard Shikamaru roar as he transported away.


	8. Tomorrow is such a long time

A/N: Hey guys, sorry this took so long for me to post - I've been drowning in work lately! This chapter is basically a way of explaining the last one, so nothing much really happens. Anyway, I hope you enjoy : )

* * *

_I can't see my reflection in the water,_

_Can't speak the sounds that show no pain,_

_I can't hear the echo of my footsteps,_

_Can't remember the sound of my own name._

--

Neji transported straight to Gai's apartment, knocking on the door impatiently. He could barely contain his emotions as Gai opened the door, still in his pyjamas.

"Gai-sensei," Neji said without giving Gai time to speak, "Meet me down at the training grounds in an hour. I would like to spar with you." Gai took in his former student's appearance: his hair was unkempt, his eyes wild, and he actually seemed to be shaking from anger. In short, a man on the brink.

"Of course, Neji-kun!" Gai said cheerfully, putting on his brightest smile. What else could he say? Neji grunted in response and turned, leaving without so much as a goodbye.

Arriving back at his apartment, Neji stripped out of his clothes and plunged under the shower. He washed himself roughly, trying to scrub off all vestiges of last night, and earlier that morning. The headache that had receded at the hands of Shikamaru was quickly returning, and Neji could feel his head thumping. After drying himself and changing, Neji stared at himself in the mirror, gathering up all his emotions – save for his anger – and squashing them into a tiny ball. He would deal with them later. For now, he just wanted to do what he did best: he wanted to spar, to fight, to be the ninja he was supposed to be. Who he was expected to be. Neji's expression was stern as he left the apartment and headed to the training grounds.

He spoke very little during the training session, save to instruct Gai not to hold back. Neji channelled the intensity of everything he had been feeling of late into his movements. He relished the harsh physical contact. At least, he mused, I know where I stand when Gai punches me. But when Shikamaru gives me a massage…

"Ah!" Neji cried out as Gai's kick caught him on the side of the head. Concentrate! he told himself sternly. He retaliated by creating four kage bunshin, encircling Gai and attacking him in the Gentle Fist style.

So they continued until the sun was directly above them in the sky, beating down on the two men and causing them to sweat profusely. After a while, Gai forfeited.

"Enough, Neji!" he called, slumping onto the ground and taking a drink from his canteen, "I'm not as young as I used to be." Neji snorted as he sat down next to Gai, emptying his bottle over his head in favour of drinking.

"That's hardly an excuse, Gai-sensei," Neji replied with a small smile. His mood had lifted somewhat after the hard exercise, and the heavy, clouded feeling he had felt that morning had dissipated. They sat in silence for a while, recovering. Neji savoured the exertion; he focused on his shallow quick breaths, and how his heart was beating that much faster. This is how it's supposed to happen, he thought.

He and Gai parted ways shortly after, Neji quickly detouring past a café en route to his meditation hill. When he reached his spot, he sat down and simply watched for a while, breathing in the air deeply and calming his body. Then, when he felt relaxed, he took hold of the ball of emotions inside of him and slowly started to unravel it.

It was not as though he had never been with anyone before. Surprisingly, physicality had never been an issue for Neji – but it had definitely been awhile. However, in Neji's eyes, sexual passion was something you read about in books. If he were honest with himself, Neji would admit that sex had always seemed…a little perfunctory. A fleeting physical hunger, a brief tussle, then satisfaction.

But it was different with Shikamaru. Neji's dreams were plagued with Shikamaru's hands, his thighs, his abs, his eyes…Whenever Shikamaru entered the same room as him, Neji could feel his senses sharpen and his breath quicken, his traitorous mind supplying him with countless scenarios and fantasies. Shikamaru affected Neji in ways he had never been affected before. And Neji was sick of it. He wanted his logic back, his common sense – his _sanity_. Neji was a shinobi, a member of the Hyuuga Branch family, and to all intents and purposes, an emotionless tool of his village. If Naruto told him to jump off Hokage Mountain in order to save Konoha, Neji would obey. Such was his life – his destiny, if you will. And it was something he had accepted a long time ago.

So, this sudden hormonal orgy that had taken over his brain was completely out of Neji's comfort zone. It was unacceptable. He was ANBU, not some lovesick fourteen-year-old girl: in his line of work, he couldn't afford to have distractions. Being a ninja was not a choice that Neji himself made, but it was one that he had accepted. A life of solitude and self-control was what he had been prepared for, and it was what he was living. Glimpses into another world, a world that might have been, were not things that Neji took kindly to. He did not like things to be held up before him that he couldn't have.

His mind ran over the scene in the bathroom from that morning, and Neji shivered involuntarily as he remembered the sheer intensity of his feelings. Never in all his life had he surrendered so willingly to the almost animalistic desire that he had felt. If he and Shikamaru hadn't been interrupted, well…Neji couldn't say. He liked to be in control, and Shikamaru made him lose control.

Suddenly, a small frog appeared in a puff of smoke in front of Neji.

"Oi," it croaked, "Ya gotta go see Rokudaime-sama. Says it's urgent." It disappeared again. Neji sighed as he stood, surveying the scene in front of him with hardened eyes before making his way to the Hokage tower.

--

A mission would be the perfect way for Neji to concentrate on things other than Shikamaru. He arrived at the Hokage's office, seeing that Tenten, Sakura and Moegi were already there.

"Neji-kun," Naruto greeted him from his chair, his blonde hair clashing terribly with the maroon Hokage robes.

"You have a mission for us, Rokudaime-sama?" Neji asked, bowing slightly. The Uchiha was brooding silently behind Naruto's chair, and Neji noted with surprise that Shikamaru was nowhere to be seen.

"Yeah, we do," Naruto replied, pushing a thin manila folder across the desk. Neji stepped forward and picked it up. As he got closer to the blonde, Neji could see the bags underneath his eyes, and the paleness of his cheeks. Obviously, Naruto was suffering the after-effects of last night's drinking. Neji stepped back and flicked through the folder, skimming its contents.

"It should be pretty straightforward," Uchiha said, stepping forward to stand next to the desk, "We had numerous reports from Surveillance of some rouge ninja within Fire Country territory, so we sent some jounin out to deal with the problem. Unfortunately, the rouge nin proved to be quite a lot more powerful than we had anticipated, and the two jounin suffered severe injuries but did manage to return to the village." Uchiha cleared his throat, and looked to Naruto.

"Obviously, they've shown themselves to be hostile," Naruto said, hoisting his legs up onto the desk, "We don't want these guys hanging around our borders any longer, especially if they're going injure our jounin. Based on our last reports, they've set up a base way out near the border with Stone, but they make surveillance trips to just outside the village every day. As far as we can tell, there are around six of them, but that's not definite." Naruto paused, his hands coming up to rub his eyes tiredly.

"I'm giving you seven days for this, Neji," Naruto said with an unreadable expression on his face, "which means I expect you back in five. You shall leave this afternoon. Your aim is to get them out of Fire Country, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to kill them. Control your new recruit, and…try not to fuck up."

Neji bowed silently, taking Naruto's last sentence for a dismissal. He opened the door into the corridor, flipping through the folder as he waited for his teammates to join him. Tenten and Moegi exited together, and Neji noticed their arms just brush together lightly as they took their places next to Neji. They were all silent as they waited for Sakura, her conversation wafting through the door.

"…have to be careful, Sakura-chan!" Naruto said in a low voice.

"Naruto--" Sakura began, but was cut off by Uchiha.

"He's right, Sakura." He said, sounding strangely emotional, "Take care of yourself. We don't want you ending up like Anko."

"Sasuke, Naruto: I'll be fine! Now stop worrying and let me go out and do my job."

Sakura emerged from the office, smiling at Neji. He signalled for them to leave.

"Oi, Neji!" Naruto's voice called from inside the office. Neji walked back to the door and poked his head around, "Shikamaru is looking for you. Go find him before you leave, OK?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Neji replied, lying through his teeth. Shikamaru was the last person he wanted to see right now.

--

Neji gave everyone a few hours to get packed and to make their arrangements, before meeting at the main gate at sunset. Neji felt well fed and eager to start the mission as he finalised some administration with the guards at the gate.

"Before we go…"Neji said, making sure everyone's attention was on him. Sakura was frowning, wearing that determined look that she always got at the start of missions. Tenten seemed a little worse for wear, not meeting Neji's eyes. And Moegi was almost beaming, she was so excited.

"Everyone is hung over, I know," Neji said, hoisting his pack over his shoulders, "Well, too bad. If you're feeling tired, get over it. We'll probably be travelling until midnight tonight so that we can check out their base under the cover of night." The three women nodded.

Sakura," Neji continued, "I don't really have to tell you this, but I want nothing, not even a whisper of mention of Shikamaru." Sakura's eyes widened slightly, and she nodded once more. "And for Tenten and Moegi," Neji said, turning his eyes onto his newest recruit, "Yes, I know what happened, and no, it's not going to interfere with the mission." Tenten flushed, but still managed to meet Neji's eyes. "I want everyone's full attention and concentration over the next week. Let's go."

They surged forward, the afternoon sun bathing the track with golden light. Neji could feel the wind streak past him, he could feel the sun on his skin, and he could sense his three teammates behind him. He drew in a deep breath as they turned off the track and plunged into the overgrowth, heading northwest, impatient to start the mission and to have somewhere to direct all the nervous energy in his system.


	9. Been smoking too long

A/N: I know, I know, this is kind of weird. Just bear with me, guys. I do have a vague plan, despite how it may look. Sorry that it took so long, I just had to get used to writing Shikamaru instead of Neji! Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

_Well I wake up in the morning,_

_Look at my clock,_

_It's way past noon time,_

_Now I'm late for work._

_Tell me, tell me,_

_What have I done wrong?_

_Ain't nothing to right with me,_

_Must be I've been smoking too long._

--

"Neji!" Shikamaru roared as he watched the other man transport away, Neji's pale eyes blazing. The sound of his panting was all that he could hear in the now empty room.

"Damn it!" Shikamaru cursed, striking the wall with a fist. He stayed in that position for several minutes, his eyes blank and searching as he went over the events of that morning in his mind. Neji…Shikamaru never realised that Neji might react in such a way, although the more that Shikamaru thought about it, the more it became clear.

Shikamaru squatted on the floor, his hands forming a familiar shape as he furiously pieced together what he knew about the other man. Even as a genin, Neji had been the most sombre and serious of them all, realising before most of his contemporaries the full implications of life as a shinobi. Long before Shikamaru's disastrous 'Sasuke retrieval mission' at the age of 15, Neji had lost his father to intra-clan disagreements, had his future effectively taken from him by being banished to the Branch family, and had seen his weaker cousin take the place that was rightfully his. He had been forced to grow up in a short period of time – thrust into adulthood with all its responsibilities and its worries before he ever really had time to experience the freedom of childhood.

It was common knowledge that Neji took his duty to the village a lot more seriously than others, and it was that seriousness and single-mindedness that had helped Neji advance to ANBU captain at just 24 years old. Shikamaru, along with most other people in the village, greatly admired Neji as a shinobi for his demeanour, skill and tact. But as a person… The more Shikamaru thought about it, the more he suspected that Neji probably didn't differentiate between Neji the Shinobi and Neji the Person. Losing his controlled, calm exterior would be, in Neji's eyes, the worst thing to happen. The only reason he had been so affected this morning was probably because Shikamaru had him in a rather vulnerable state – hung over and plagued with memories of a nightmare.

Shikamaru sagged suddenly as he felt all the emotions and energy seep out of him, leaving him feeling exhausted. It was 10 o'clock in the morning, _he_ was hung over, and he just missed out on getting lucky. He could deal with all these deep and meaningful thoughts later after he had had a proper nap. With a deep sigh, Shikamaru shucked off his t-shirt and crawled back into his bed, getting himself ready for a long sleep in. Then he remembered that the bed smelled like Neji. He groaned and dragged himself out of the bed and onto the couch in the living room. He'd have to wash the sheets before he could sleep in his bed again.

"How troublesome," Shikamaru murmured as he made himself comfortable, taking his hair out of its ponytail. He yawned and closed his eyes, recalling how it had felt to have another presence in his bed once more. Neji had looked anything but peaceful in his sleep, and he twitched and writhed the entire night. But for some reason, it hadn't really bothered Shikamaru. He supposed he was just glad to know that he wasn't alone in his nightmares. The sheer presence of having Neji in his bed was enough to keep the nightmares at bay for Shikamaru at least for one night, and for that, Shikamaru was grateful. He shifted slightly on the couch, and finally fell asleep with images of pale skin and dark, silky hair flitting through his thoughts.

--

Shikamaru awoke abruptly to someone banging on his door.

"SHIKAMARU-KUN! Are you in there?" Shikamaru sat up with a start, blearily rubbing his face.

"Amaya?" he murmured, grabbing his shirt from the floor and pulling it on again. Amaya started yelling before Shikamaru could reach the door.

"Shikamaru-kun? Helloooo, is anybody—oh, hello!" Amaya said, beaming at Shikamaru as he flung open the door. "You're late," she said triumphantly, pushing past him into the kitchen. Shikamaru just stared at her as she rummaged through the fridge and pulled out an apple.

"You were supposed to meet me and 'ka-san for lunch, remember?" she said, taking a huge bite from the apple. "Aren't you gonna shut the door?"

"Right," Shikamaru said, closing the door and taking a seat at the kitchen table, 'What time is it?"

"Nearly 1:30. We waited around for a while, then 'ka-san sent me out to find you. Figures you'd still be asleep."

Shikamaru said nothing, watching Amaya munch away happily on her apple. They sat in silence for a while, until Amaya looked up at him expectantly.

"Well?" she said, getting up and throwing the apple core in the bin, "Are you going to get ready?" Shikamaru yawned and stood, scratching his head absentmindedly.

"Tell your mum that I'm sorry I missed lunch, and that I'll come over this afternoon," he said, opening the door for Amaya, "Now get out. I have some stuff I have to do."

"But Shikamaru-kuuunnn," she whined, vainly trying to stop herself from being pushed out of the apartment by Shikamaru.

"Go and train, or something. Practice those exercises I taught you yesterday."

"Fine," she said, pouting, as she turned to leave, "Oh, and Shikamaru-kun? You should wash. You really stink." With those final parting words, she flounced away, humming to herself.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru murmured as he shut the door again, heading straight for the shower. He resolutely ignored the mirror as he washed, feeling a little better than he had earlier that morning.

On a hunch, Shikamaru went to Naruto's apartment before he visited Kurenai. After knocking on the door several times to no avail, Shikamaru headed around the back of the apartment to the bedroom window. As he expected, it was partially opened. He opened the window fully and jumped onto the sill nimbly, wrinkling his nose at the stale scent in the air. Naruto was sprawled across most of the bed, completely naked and snoring loudly. Uchiha, on the other hand, was curled into a ball on the far side, with the majority of the blanket wrapped around him. Both appeared to be dead to the world.

Shikamaru sighed. How Naruto had been made Hokage he would never know. He moved into the garden for a moment, picking up a small stone before jumping back onto the sill and throwing it at Naruto's backside. Naruto awoke with a start and jumped off the bed.

"NANI?" Naruto screamed, his stance giving Shikamaru a rather comprehensive view of his anatomy. Shikamaru cleared his throat pointedly, causing Naruto to whip his head around.

"Shikamaru?" he yelled, still unaware of his nakedness, "What the hell are you doing here?" Before Shikamaru could open his mouth, a pair of boxers came flying through the air and hit Naruto in the face.

"Your fly's undone," Uchiha drawled sarcastically as he gathered the blankets around him and stalked off into the other room, without so much as a glance at Shikamaru. Naruto blushed and chuckled nervously as he quickly pulled the boxers on.

"It's almost 2 in the afternoon, Naruto," Shikamaru said with a grin on his face, "Go to work." He watched, amused, as Naruto blanched suddenly and began to hop around the room, trying to find the vestiges of his clothes from last night.

"Wait a second," he said all of a sudden, standing up and pointing at Shikamaru accusingly, "You're supposed to be there as well!"

"Ah, well, unforeseen circumstances, you know?" Shikamaru said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, "Won't be in till later, terribly sorry."

"Hang overs from parties don't count as 'unforseen circumstances'," Naruto muttered darkly. Shikamaru left before Naruto found some reason for him to come into the office sooner.

Kurenai looked pleased to see Shikamaru as she ushered him into her small, but tasteful apartment. She had retired from active service a few years ago – claiming that she wanted to focus on raising her child – however she was still regarded as one of the best genjutsu users in all of Fire Country. Shikamaru knew that Amaya profited well from her mother's skills – she was already beginning to exhibit a sophisticated and controlled use of genjutsu.

"Please, sit," Kurenai said softly, indicating to the table in the middle of the living room as she prepared tea. Shikamaru did so, eyes passing over familiar details of the apartment. There were countless photos of Amaya – Amaya as a baby, Amaya learning to walk, Amaya starting at the Academy, graduating from the Academy, becoming a genin…Shikamaru shook his head slightly as he marvelled at how fast she was growing up. Troublesome or not, he was beginning to understand what it felt like to be the dotting aunt or the clingy grandmother: he was highly protective of the girl, and was constantly worrying about her future.

Looking at Kurenai from his position on the floor, Shikamaru knew that she worried just as much as him, if not more. Her once free-flowing hair was pulled into a messy bun and there were heavy bags beneath her eyes – it seemed to Shikamaru that her very movements betrayed a sense of exhaustion. She had changed from the bold, striking kuniochi Shikamaru had known as a genin and chuunin, to a reserved and lonely single mother, all too aware of the hardships life can deal.

"Sorry I didn't come to lunch today," Shikamaru said as Kurenai brought a tray over to the table, "I was sleeping off the after affects of Chouji's party…" Kurenai smiled good-naturedly, pouring two cups of tea.

"I expected as much," she said, taking a sip of her tea. There was a short silence, then suddenly: "I'm worried about Amaya, Shikamaru-kun." Shikamaru sighed heavily, having anticipated that this subject would come up.

"I know we've talked about it before," Kurenai continued, an almost desperate look on her face, "But I don't know what to do any more. It was fine when she was in the Academy: there, at least, she was happy learning about how to be a ninja, and I was happy knowing that she was safe. But now, she's a genin, and she's going on missions – with Sasuke no less…She has the potential to be an amazing kuniochi, and that terrifies me."

"I know, Kurenai," Shikamaru murmured, shifting in his seat.

"You know that she's wanted this ever since she was a baby. After she heard about Asuma…Well, she sees his death as a sort of heroic act! She told me a few weeks ago that she values patriotism above all other qualities. She's seven years old, for God's sake!"

"I know," Shikamaru repeated, unable to look at the expression on Kurenai's face. There was a pause, then Kurenai spoke again, a bitterness underlying her speech that Shikamaru had heard many times before.

"What kind of village _breeds_ their children to think like that? How can Naruto just sit by and watch my child become a tool, a useless, limp little doll that is patched up when she gets hurt and eventually thrown away when she is ruined. Tell me how that is fair, Shikamaru." Shikamaru sighed again, taking a sip of his tea while he collected his thoughts, his mind drifting back to something Neji had said to him a few weeks ago.

"Our way of life is far from perfect, Kurenai," he said softly, "We all know that. To be a shinobi is to dedicate your life to something that will inevitably screw you over. But Amaya…it's in her blood. You and Asuma's families have been shinobi going back to the First – we can't just take that away from her. We can't control her, and say what she can and can't be. If she wants to be a kuniochi, then she's going to be a kuniochi." Kurenai bowed her head, her hands clenched at her sides. There was a silence.

"It's not a question of fairness, Kurenai," Shikamaru murmured, "It's a question of letting her follow in the footsteps of her father _and_ her mother. In the face of all the shit that comes with being a shinobi, at least she'll have that." Kurenai looked up at Shikamaru and gave him a somewhat watery smile.

"It's funny," she said, "Sometimes you sound exactly like him..."

"Kurenai-" Shikamaru said, frowning.

"Everything you say is true," she interrupted, visibly composing herself, "Amaya's as stubborn as I am – I should have known that she'd never give up wanting to be a kuniochi. I'm sorry to have troubled you over such a silly issue."

"Listen, Kurenai," Shikamaru said in a somewhat harsher tone, "You're not doing anything wrong by worrying about her. I worry about her as well, probably just as much as you do."

"I know," she said admonishingly, "I'm sorry. Thank you for hearing me out. It's good to let everything out once in a while." She turned her head to look out the window, a slightly melancholy silence falling between them. After a while, Kurenai sighed and turned to face Shikamaru, a smile on her face.

"I feel as though I haven't seen you in months, Shikamaru-kun," she said light-heartedly.

"Ma…" Shikamaru replied, relieved to talk about something less serious, "What with Naruto and Kakashi on my case, I haven't really had much time for anything." Kurenai sent him an all-knowing glance.

"Oh, really?" she asked in a light tone, "I heard from Hinata-chan that you've struck up something of a friendship with her cousin." Shikamaru said nothing, a blush inadvertently rising on his cheeks as he remembered the events of that morning. Kurenai watched him closely.

"She says that you and him play shogi every week," she continued, "And that he's been looking happier than she's seen him in a long time."

"Ah, well, you see…" Shikamaru spluttered, feeling peculiarly like someone who had just been caught doing something illegal. Kurenai paused for second, staring at Shikamaru intensely.

"Well, I'm glad you've found someone," she said finally, busying herself by taking the tray of now-cold tea back to the kitchen. "I had almost given up on you, you know!" she called from the sink. Shikamaru looked up at the ceiling briefly, before muttering under his breath.

"Troublesome…" he said, leaning back on his arms, "Kurenai, it's not like that."

"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning, as she took her place at the table once more.

"We're not…together, or anything." Shikamaru said uncomfortably, his mind reliving the events from that morning.

"Oh," she said, looking at him suspiciously, "But, you like him, don't you? I can tell."

"Well…Yeah, I suppose."

"And Hinata-chan assured me that he's interested in you. She can read him like a book, apparently." Shikamaru made a noncommittal sound, tracing the tatami absently with his finger.

"So what's the problem, Shikamaru?"

"God, Kurenai!" Shikamaru exclaimed, "I don't know, do I? It's complicated."

"Well, sorry for being interested," Kurenai muttered, looking a bit affronted.

"How troublesome," Shikamaru said again, "Look – it's still in its early stages, OK? I think he can be a bit weird when it comes to relationships. And that's all I know about it." Shikamaru fell silent, ignoring the intent way Kurenai was looking at him.

"Don't screw this up, Shikamaru," she said quietly, "It could be a good opportunity, and from what Hinata-chan tells me, Neji really needs it."

"Hey, I'm not the one screwing things up between us," Shikamaru said defensively.

"…Did something happen?" Kurenai asked in a sympathetic tone.

"Kurenai!" Shikamaru exclaimed, getting to his feet, "Just drop it, all right?"

"Fine, fine, " Kurenai said, holding up her hands in admission, "I'll stop taking an interest in your love life."

"Thank you," Shikamaru breathed. Kurenai stood as well.

"Just…talk to him, OK?" she said quickly. Shikamaru just nodded once, and followed her to the door.

"Thanks for the tea," he offered, scratching his head, "And, try not to worry about Amaya." Kurenai smiled sadly.

"See you soon," she said, before shutting the door softly. Shikamaru stood on her front porch for a few minutes, before walking down the steps and heading towards the Hokage tower.

"Ma…" he said to himself, scratching his nose absently, "I think that went rather well."


	10. Know

A/N: I know, I know, updates are few and far between. Remember the good old days, when I was updating practically every second day? Ah, how times have changed. Anyway, this chapter took me forever for no particular reason, so I'm feeling quite proud of myself that I finally finished it. There is a bit of swearing in it as well – as in one particular word that many people take offence to – but I kept it in there because I felt it was true to the character, and who really cares, anyway? I am definitely enjoying writing Shikamaru, because, let's face it; he's a cool guy. But I miss my Neji…hopefully we shall see a lot more of him soon.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Know that I love you,_

_Know I don't care._

_Know that I see you,_

_Know I'm not there._

--

Shikamaru saw Ino as he made his way to the Hokage tower. He raised a hand in greeting, still somewhat irate with the woman, but was surprised when her eyes widened almost guiltily before she bowed her head and walked hastily away. Shikamaru watched her go, feeling a bit confused. She was definitely hiding something, he decided.

"Ah, you're finally here," Sasuke muttered as Shikamaru entered the office. Naruto seemed absorbed in some papers on his desk – his face was frowning in concentration.

"Hey, Shikamaru," Naruto murmured distractedly, not even looking up.

"So, Sasuke," Shikamaru drawled, turning his attention to where the dark-haired man was standing at the window, "I hope you'll remember to shut your windows in the future." Sasuke sent him a withering glare, his mouth turning up into its customary sneer. He was very touchy about whatever the relationship between him and Naruto was – which was why one of Shikamaru's favourite past times in the office was to rile him up about it.

"At least I have a bed to go to, Nara," he growled. Naruto snickered under his breath as Shikamaru tried to think of a come back.

"Play nice, children," Naruto warned with a mischievous glance at the two men. Sasuke just sniffed, and resumed looking out of the window.

"New mission?" Shikamaru asked, pointing to the pile of papers on Naruto's desk.

"Yeah," Naruto replied, collecting up the papers and placing them into a folder, "Some rogue nin on the border are making nuisances of themselves."

"Who're you giving it to?"

"Ma…I already gave it to Neji and his team," Naruto said, placing his feet up on the desk and leaning back in his chair, "They're leaving this afternoon. Although, I'm not certain. New recruit, and all that. What do you think?" Shikamaru glanced quickly at Naruto, trying to see if the other man suspected anything. But he saw nothing suspicious in Naruto's face.

"Why send an ANBU out to do a jounin's job?" Shikamaru said, quoting a well-known Konoha saying.

"I'm doing it because I'm just sick of these guys, you know?" Naruto said, getting up from his chair in favour of pacing around the room, "Why can't they just piss off and leave Konoha alone? I'm sending out Neji because I want this dealt with once and for all."

'Fine," Shikamaru yawned, not wanting to seem overly interested but inwardly cursing his luck. "How long for?" he asked nonchalantly.

"A week," Naruto replied, giving up his pacing and going to stand near Sasuke.

"Why?" Sasuke asked, leering, "Are you worried about what will happen if you miss one of your precious shogi games with Hyuuga?" Shikamaru snorted, trying to appear indifferent. _Kami, does everyone know_? he thought to himself.

"By the way," Naruto said, slinging an arm causally over Sasuke's shoulder, "Kakashi-sensei wants you for this afternoon. He's in a terrible mood, though – you know what he's like after drinking." Shikamaru sighed, his mood suddenly darkening at the prospect of having to go and work for a hung over Kakashi.

"Right," he said, moving towards the door, "I'll go now."

"Oh, and Shikamaru-kun?" Naruto asked innocently. Shikamaru turned, immediately suspicious of the butter-wouldn't-melt expression on his face, "I told Neji-kun that you wanted to see him. Gossip spreads fast, you know? Especially when Ino's in on it."

Shikamaru closed his eyes momentarily, taking in a number of deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Must. Contain. Urge. To. Kill.

"Shikamaru-kun?"

Shikamaru opened his eyes, and sent Naruto a sickly sweet smile. "Thank you, Hokage-sama, for telling me," he said, bowing politely, before turning and leaving the room.

As he made his way to the ANBU headquarters, he was seething inside. He should've expected something like this to happen. He knew Ino too well to expect her to keep something like this to herself. But still, it wasn't an excuse for her behaviour. He made a mental note to abuse her as soon as he was done at I & T. What with Neji going away for a mission, Ino blurting out all his secrets and him being still somewhat hung over, Shikamaru arrived at the headquarters in almost a worse mood than Kakashi.

"Ah, Shikamaru," Kakashi said sarcastically as Shikamaru entered the I & T conference room, "Glad you could finally make it. Sit down." Shikamaru did as he was told and took a seat next to Sai.

"Hello, deer-man," Sai said, beaming. Shikamaru ignored him and turned his attention to Kakashi. While Sai was good at what he did – in that he felt no remorse for his actions – Shikamaru thought him troublesome and tried to communicate with him as little as possible. Plus, he really found that nickname annoying.

"Well, as I was just telling Sai," Kakashi drawled, vaguely gesturing towards a file on the desk in front of Shikamaru, "Kiba and his team have just apprehended an assassin from Lightning Country who they discovered trying to infiltrate Konoha. They immediately incapacitated her and brought her to us. So, find out who send her, why she was sent, etcetera, and then write it up in a pretty little report for me to read tomorrow. Pretty straightforward stuff." Kakashi got up from his seat and stretched. "I'm going home to sleep. Don't to anything I wouldn't do!" He transported away.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered under his breath. Sai turned to him, still beaming.

"Kakashi can really be a fucking lazy cunt, can't he?" he said in an airy tone of voice. Shikamaru choked suddenly in surprise, causing him to break out in a coughing fit.

"Language, please, Sai," he said weakly after a moment, wiping the tears out of his eyes. Sai looked confused.

"Oh, I remember," he said, "I'm not supposed to say cunt, am I?" Shikamaru just sighed and stood up.

"Well, if you like getting beaten up, you can say it all you want," he said, reaching for the folder and flicking it open to find out where the Lightning nin was being held. "Come on, she's in A16."

"Yes, deer-man," Sai said with a mock salute, following Shikamaru out of the room. Shikamaru just sighed again, sensing that this would take longer than he had first anticipated. He thought of Neji, briefly, but then gave it all up. Neji was going on a mission, and that was that. There wasn't anything Shikamaru could do about it.

Shikamaru nodded to the guard outside the cell A16, who promptly released the seal on the door so that he and Sai could enter. Inside was a woman probably in her mid-twenties, with long blonde hair and an arrogant expression. Both her arms had been placed in special cuffs on the wall that sealed her chakra. She reminded Shikamaru of Ino.

"You have been caught trying to infiltrate the hidden village of Konoha without permission," Shikamaru said in a bored tone of voice, "This is an offence punishable by death under the Secrecy Act of the Second Ninja War. Under this act, you are obliged to disclose the nature and purpose of your mission. You must know that all your rights have been revoked. Co-operation will greatly increase your chances of survival."

The kuniochi just sneered at him, and spat at Shikamaru's face. He sighed inwardly. Definitely like Ino.

--

Five hours later, Shikamaru stepped out of the ANBU headquarters, looking up at the stars with a weary expression. The evening was cool, and Shikamaru shivered as he lit up a cigarette thoughtfully. He heard Sai come out behind him, and almost jumped as a hand snaked its way around his waist.

"So, deer-man," Sai said in his ear, "Why don't we go and have a drink somewhere? You know, to relax a little after work?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, turning to blow a cloud of cigarette smoke in Sai's face.

"My name is Shikamaru," he said, removing Sai's hand and starting off towards his apartment. He felt Sai's eyes on him, before the other man called out softly.

"Spoilsport."

Shikamaru just kept walking, and took another drag from his cigarette. Sai was so troublesome.

The Lightning kuniochi had been stubborn at first, refusing so much as to curse Shikamaru and Sai, which was unusual. But after bit of persuading, she talked like the rest of them. Shikamaru learnt long ago that confidence and loyalty could always be broken. Sai had said he would write up the report, so Shikamaru didn't really have anything to worry about. But Sai's interrogation techniques always gave him the creeps, and he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. He had a quick shower at his own apartment, before grabbing a bottle of sake and heading for Chouji's place. Shikamaru knew the other man would be awake, having probably slept for most of the day. And what better way to treat a hang over than with more alcohol?

--

Shikamaru awoke to a sharp pain in his neck, a thumping headache, and a raging hard on. After blinking a few times, he realised that he was in Chouji's living room, sleeping on one of his infamously uncomfortable chairs. Chouji himself was spread out on the sofa next to him. Shikamaru stood up gingerly, rolling his neck to try and alleviate the pain. He made his way into the kitchen, where he rummaged in Chouji's cupboards until he found some painkillers, taking them with a glass of water. Then, he walked to the bathroom, resolutely locked the door, and turned on the shower.

His dream, of course, had been about Neji, and it had been a rather heated one at that. He supposed he should be grateful that he was having these kind of dreams instead of the nightmares he usually had after an I & T session. He jerked himself off quietly, secretively – his mind filled with images of Neji from the dream – and had to stick a hand into his mouth when he came. He stood under the hot water for a while longer, feeling worse off than he had before after remembering that Neji wouldn't be back for another week.

After getting out of the shower, he tied up his hair quickly, not really caring what it looked like, before walking back into the living room and tapping Chouji on the shoulder.

"I'm going now, Chouji," he said quietly, watching Chouji blearily crack open an eye to look at him, before closing it again and turning over so his back was facing Shikamaru. Shikamaru smiled at him fondly before letting himself out.

He stopped by a café on his way home for breakfast, too lazy to make something himself. He reckoned that it was about 8 or 9 in the morning, which meant, technically, that he should already be at the Hokage's office. But Shikamaru knew that neither Naruto nor Sasuke would be there for about an hour, so he had some time to kill. As he ate his breakfast – slowly, enjoying each mouthful – his eyes fell on Hinata and Kiba who were sitting a few tables away from him. Kiba was talking animatedly to Hinata, who, in turn, was looking at him like he was the most interesting man in the world. Hinata said something quietly that make Kiba burst out laughing, leaning forward to quickly kiss her on the mouth.

Shikamaru sighed, disconsolate, not wanting to watch such personal moments. Being a pragmatic man by nature, Shikamaru never tended to worry about such trivial things as finding a partner. He just assumed that it would happen – as it had done with many of his friends. But Neji…Neji made it different, somehow. Not only because he was a man, but because Shikamaru felt that they had a real connection. And that unsettled Shikamaru somewhat, for he was also a man who held traditional views. He had always expected that, just like his father, he would find a woman, not too pretty and not too ugly, whom he wouldn't mind, and he would marry her. Together, they wouldn't be happy but they wouldn't be unhappy, and Shikamaru would desire her only in a physical sense, or for a purpose. They would have four children – two girls and two boys – who would be talented but not outstanding. Shikamaru then expected to die before his wife, having led an ordinary yet fulfilling life.

But, as strange as it seemed to him, Shikamaru could easily imagine spending many years to come in Neji's presence, playing shogi and talking and laughing. But he also desired Neji, physically and mentally, which he had not expected. Thus, Shikamaru found himself wanting something that he had previously just expected to happen. Neji had made him impatient, despite laziness being the overwhelming feature of his personality. And the more he thought about it, the longer the week stretched out before him, Neji's absence more keenly felt than his presence.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder," Shikamaru murmured under his breath, idly twirling a spoon in his coffee cup. He shook his head suddenly and stood, not used to feeling so sorry for himself. After throwing some money on the table, Shikamaru left the café and made his way to the Hokage tower. Paperwork was always a good way of keeping his mind distracted, and there was definitely no shortage of it in Naruto's office.

--

And so, the week passed in a similar fashion for Shikamaru. The Lightning assassin that he had interrogated was, surprisingly, returned to her own country after a deal was struck between Naruto and the Raikage. There was little other activity on Konoha's borders, which meant that Shikamaru really had been immersed in paperwork. It was achingly, mind-numbingly dull, but it was the exact thing that Shikamaru needed in order to get through the week without either becoming a depressive recluse, or hiring a prostitute. One lunchtime, the work became too much even for him, and he escaped the tower through the window, leaving an irate Sasuke behind him.

He went straight to the Academy, where he knew Chouji would be on his lunchbreak. Shikamaru spotted Chouji sitting at a seat near the window of the busy staff room, and made his way over.

"I have had the most boring week you can imagine," Shikamaru said with a sigh, flopping down in an armchair next to Chouji. Chouji smiled good-naturedly, munching away on his sandwich.

"Oh!" he said through his mouthful, turning to Shikamaru, "By the way, Ino's here too. She went to get a bottle of water." Chouji, of course, knew everything that had happened, having been filled in when Shikamaru had stayed at his place. Shikamaru groaned, and, right on cue, Ino walked into the room. She saw Shikamaru immediately and froze, her eyes flicking to Chouji who just shrugged in a non-committal way. Then she sighed, defeated, and made her way over.

"You were going to find me sooner or later," she said as she sat down, pinching a sandwich triangle from Chouji's lap.

'Damn right I was," Shikamaru said angrily, "What were you thinking? Telling _Naruto and Sasuke_, of all people. I've already started getting strange looks from Hiashi-san, and god knows where he heard about it from." Ino looked accordingly contrite, but Shikamaru could see Chouji snickering out of the corner of his eye. It did not help his mood.

"But we're all so happy for you, Shikamaru-kun," Ino said pleadingly, turning her big, blue eyes on him, "It's not my fault that I can't contain my happiness for a friend, now is it?"

"But there's nothing for you to be happy about!" Shikamaru exploded, causing shadows to erupt from the corners of the room and cover the walls and ceiling, effectively cutting off the light. There was a stunned silence that lasted for a few moments, only broken by the muttering of a "troublesome…" somewhere over near the window.

Shikamaru closed his eyes and counted backwards slowly from ten, trying to reign in his frustration. When he reached 7, the shadows began receding back into their corners, and by 5, the room was light once more.

"Thanks, Shikamaru!" someone called, causing a collective chuckle to run around the room. Shikamaru didn't even look up, sure that his cheeks were blazing.

"Shikamaru…" Ino murmured. Shikamaru just sighed, and stood.

"I need a drink," he said, sliding his hands into his pockets, "Would anyone care to join me?"

"Shikamaru, it's 12:30 in the afternoon," Chouji said, frowning at him. Shikamaru just looked at him, not even bothering with a reply. Chouji sniffed, deliberating, before rolling his eyes and packing up his lunch.

"I don't have any classes this afternoon," he said, "I suppose I could spare an hour or two. Ino?"

"Well…" she said quietly, looking down at her hands, "I don't think Shikamaru really wants me to come."

"And he has every reason not to!" Chouji exclaimed, hauling her to her feet, "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Come on, it'll be like old times."

"God, Chouji, you sound like your father," Shikamaru said, listening to the predictable outbreak with something akin to nostalgia. As much as it pained Shikamaru to admit, Chouji was right: the days of the InoShikaCho ensemble were long finished. They never saw each other as much as they should, nowadays, what with Chouji's teaching and Ino's missions.

As the three of them made their way out of the building, Ino slipped her small hand into Shikamaru's just for a second, squeezing gently, as an apology. Shikamaru smiled slightly in response, letting her know that, for now, she had been forgiven. And for the first time that week, Shikamaru let out a big breath of air that he hadn't realised he had been holding, feeling comfortable and confident with both of his oldest friends either side of him.


	11. Time Piece

A/N: I know. This took like, a gazillion years for me to write. And I'm sorry. But it's here now, and that's what counts, right? Good. Hope you enjoy it.

Read and review!

* * *

_Still I cringe from time's strokes._

_Still I groan from time's loves._

_But still I'll try for time perhaps. _

--

Neji smiled with relief as he opened the door to his familiar apartment, glad to be home. The mission had been fairly straightforward, and the team had managed to scare the rouge nins away, hopefully for good. Sakura had sustained a minor flesh wound during a fight, and Tenten was definitely looking a bit worse for wear, but they had all come back to Konoha with the pleasing sense of a job well done. Neji had been especially impressed with the way Moegi had acted, finding that she could follow orders, but also act independently if the need arose. Neji was planning on officially accepting her into the cell later that week.

Even as Neji stumbled to the shower to wash the blood and sweat and dirt away, he felt a sense of vigour and satisfaction that always came after completing a mission successfully. He felt that his position and meaning within the village had been restored, both in a literal sense and in a personal sense, after the confusion he had felt with Shikamaru. Neji paused for a second, towel falling limply in his hands as he thought about the other man. He knew that the situation with him and Shikamaru was far from resolved, and he knew that he really needed to confront Shikamaru about what had happened. But Neji was reluctant to do so without sorting out his own feelings first.

Neji had had no time during the mission to ponder over what had happened, but despite himself, he did find that he was missing the presence of Shikamaru, someone who he had become to regard as one of his good friends. As chance had it, Neji was due at Shikamaru's house tomorrow for their weekly shogi game, but now Neji was torn between whether to go or not. If he did go, he couldn't be sure of how he would react to Shikamaru, or how the other would react to him.

After changing his clothes, Neji fell into bed, too tired to continue with that particular train of thought. He had been on the move for the entire week, and had had little sleep – he could deal with his problems after he had re-energised his body. With a deep sigh, he rolled onto his stomach and put a pillow over his head, shutting out the rays of the afternoon sun.

--

When Neji awoke, it was dark. The window that he had opened when he had first gotten home was now letting in the cool night air, making Neji shiver. He got up and closed it quietly. The clock next to his bed told him it was 10:52 PM, and his stomach told him that it was very hungry. He stretched and pulled on a pair of standard nin pants and a black shirt, before making his way into the kitchen to eat. Neji opened the cupboard expectantly, but quickly remembered that he had, yet again, no food at all. His stomach growled again impatiently. Neji patted it sympathetically, realising that he would have to go out and get something.

When he finally stepped outside, Neji found that the sky was clear, full of millions and millions of cold stars gleaming above him. The moon was almost full, and it bathed the entire town in its silvery light. Humming quietly to himself, Neji walked down familiar streets, finding with every passing step a growing contentment to be back in Konoha. As he was walking, he noticed a small ramen bar that he had never seen before. The blue flags and the bright lights seemed inviting, so Neji made his way over, deciding to treat himself to a meal that he didn't usually allow.

As he pushed aside one of the flags, Neji was surprised to see Naruto sitting at one of the stools, surrounded by countless stacks of bowls. Both he and the owner looked up as Neji entered.

"Neji!" Naruto said, patting a stool next to him, "Come sit down." He turned to the man behind the counter. "Oji-san, this is my good friend Neji. Whip him up a bowl of your best ramen!" The owner bowed and made his way into the back room without even asking what type of ramen Neji wanted. Neji shrugged and took a seat next to Naruto.

"So, what brings you here at this time of night, my friend?" Naruto asked between mouthfuls.

"I don't have any food in my house."

"Ah, yes," Naruto said solemnly, "That happens to me quite a lot. You would expect that that sort of thing would change after becoming Hokage, but it really doesn't. I swear Sasuke doesn't eat at all…or if he does, it's probably young virgins' blood in the dead of night. Either way, there is never any food at the apartment." Neji smiled, amused at how easy he found it to picture Sasuke as a vampire.

"Why are you here?" Neji asked, "Trying to skip out on work?" Naruto chuckled, pushing around his noodles thoughtfully.

"Nah," he said softly, "Me and Sasuke had a fight. He kicked me out, I didn't want to go to the office and I knew Sakura-chan would be sleeping, so I came here! It's like my second home, really."

"Does that happen often?" Neji asked, frowning slightly.

"What, Sasuke kicking me out?" Naruto queried as he stacked his now empty bowl on top of a pile, "At least once a month, I'd say." Neji felt his mouth fall open, but Naruto seemed completely unaffected.

"Once a month!" Neji said, "What on earth compels you to go back to him?" Naruto pulled a face that Neji could only describe as perverted.

'Well, the sex is really good—"

"Here's your food!" Thankfully, the owner interrupted Naruto with Neji's meal just in time, placing it in front of Neji with a flourish.

"Itadakimasu," Neji said, eagerly tucking into his meal and trying very hard to erase all images of Naruto and Sasuke having sex from his mind. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Naruto watching Neji absently as he ate.

"There are just these moments, you know?" Naruto said suddenly, staring off at some point behind Neji's head, "There are these few moments that make everything worth it – all the fights, all the bad feelings…And that's why I go back. Because, really, if I didn't have Sasuke-baka, then who would I have?"

"Sakura? Kakashi?"

Naruto frowned at him.

"I don't meant it like that, not like friendship," he said, "I mean, like companionship…like a…well, you know…" Naruto looked at him pleadingly.

"…a boyfriend?" Neji said, waving his chopsticks at Naruto.

'God, kill the romance and mystery, why don't you?" Naruto huffed, leaning forward to rest his arms and head on the bar. Neji chuckled.

"Sasuke…He must be pretty hard to live with." Neji said, placing his chopsticks on top of his bowl. Naruto didn't say anything for a few moments, his face hidden in his arms.

"I know it's pretty fucked up that I got dealt the Sasuke card in life," he said abruptly, sitting up straight, "but you take what you get, right?"

"Right," Neji agreed. He put some money on the counter.

"Go home, Naruto," Neji said, standing up, "Apologise. Have fantastic sex. Do whatever else you do with Sasuke. I'm going to bed."

"Yeah…" Naruto murmured, "Good night, Neji."

"Ja," Neji said.

As he walked away, he heard Naruto call "Put it on my tab, Oji-san!"

--

Neji woke early the next day, his body seemingly already recovered from the mission. After a quick session at the training grounds, Neji spent the rest of the morning writing up the mission report, which was easy enough thanks to how straightforward the mission had been.

When he went to the Hokage's office that afternoon, Neji was pleased to see Naruto and Sasuke apparently engaging in an arm wrestle on the desk – a sure sign that they had resolved whatever it was they had been fighting about. Neji watched courteously until Naruto won the arm wrestle.

"Hey, Neji," Naruto said with a beaming smile, ignoring the murderous look on Uchiha's face.

"I have the mission report," Neji replied, placing the papers on Naruto's desk.

"All right!" Naruto yelled, flicking through the papers eagerly, "I'm so glad those bastards are gone!" Neji smiled politely.

'Thank you, Hokage-sama," he replied, bowing and turning to leave.

"Oh, Neji?" Naruto asked in a nonchalant tone, "My receptionist seems to have called in sick. Would you mind going and checking on him, just to see if he's all right?" Neji frowned, confused.

"Receptionist?" he asked, not liking one bit the innocent look on Naruto's face.

"You know," Naruto replied sweetly, "Shikamaru. My receptionist."

Neji opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying desperately to think of a good excuse not to go. Meanwhile, Uchiha was smirking evilly.

"I believe that was a direct order from the Rokudaime, Neji," he said, walking to the door and opening it for Neji. Neji hung his head, defeated.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," he said.

"Excellent," Naruto replied, hoisting his legs up onto the desk, "It's for the best, really."

Neji left the Hokage tower looking externally calm and collected. Internally, however, was another matter. _It's not like I even have a choice, now,_ he thought to himself. But he had absolutely no idea what to say. Or how to act. Or even how he felt about the man! As his mind was racing with all these thoughts, his traitorous feet were leading him straight to Shikamaru's street. Before he knew it, Neji was outside the door of Shikamaru's apartment, ringing his hands nervously and debating with himself whether or not he should knock. _Get a hold of yourself, Neji!_ he chastised,_ All you have to do is knock, say Naruto sent you, and leave again_. He brought a hand up, ready to knock, but stopped it an inch before it hit the door. _No, no, it's too soon; I'll just come back later when I'm ready_. Which was how Shikamaru found him, hand frozen in mid-air and eyes open wide.

"Look, would you either just knock or lea—Neji?" Shikamaru blinked owlishly at him, having apparently just woken up. His hair was out of its ponytail, but sticking up in all directions just the same, and he was only wearing pyjama pants. Neji was rendered speechless for a few moments.

"Umm…what are you doing here?" Shikamaru prompted, looking confused more than anything else. Neji dragged his eyes away from that expanse of chest and up to Shikamaru's face.

"I…ano…" he said, fighting with all his might the blush that was appearing on his cheeks, "Naruto…He asked…" Shikamaru just kept looking at him blankly, frowning slightly. "I came to play shogi." Neji said finally, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. Shikamaru blinked in surprise.

"Oh," he said, "Well. You'd better come in, then." He stepped back from the door. Neji walked in reluctantly, cursing his stupid mouth. He should have just told Naruto to stuff it.

Shikamaru stood in the middle of the living room, looking a bit lost. 'I…I only just woke up, actually," he confessed, scratching his arm distractedly, "I wasn't exactly expecting anyone to visit."

"Sorry to come by unexpectedly," Neji offered, cringing internally at how lame he was. Shikamaru waved a hand absently.

"Why don't you get the board out while I get changed?" he said.

"Right," Neji said, glad to have something to do. They stood there for a few moments, looking around uneasily. Shikamaru broke the silence.

"Well, you know where everything is," he said awkwardly before escaping into his bedroom and closing the door.

Neji grabbed the shogi board from the shelf before sitting down on the sofa heavily, only a few moments away from tearing out his hair out of sheer embarrassment. Kami, this was awkward. He had never expected that it would be like this. All the unsaid feelings and emotions were hanging heavily in the air, pressing down on Neji's chest. The air seemed stagnant and old, as if there wasn't any oxygen in it – Neji found himself gulping in as much as he could, his palms uncomfortably sweaty. He couldn't believe he was acting like a 16 year old girl, but there was really nothing he could do. After wiping his hands on his pants, Neji set up the shogi board, and told himself that his hands _definitely _weren't shaking, because that would be truly ridiculous.

He heard a noise behind him, and he turned to see Shikamaru come out of the bedroom, his hair tied up and his normal clothes on. He sat down on the chair opposite Neji.

"Would you like to start?" Neji asked, because damn it, if he didn't have his manners in a situation like this, then what did he have?

"Why not?" Shikamaru said, leaning forward to make the first move. They played in silence for a while, the concentration that a shogi game requires acting in their favour. After a few minutes, however, Shikamaru broke the silence.

"How was your mission?" he asked nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair in an attempt to look more at ease.

"It was fine, thank you," Neji replied, "Everything went very smoothly."

"Wonderful," Shikamaru said, hints of sarcasm playing in his voice. Silence reigned again as Shikamaru pondered his next move, and Neji wondered what had happened to those comfortable silences that they use to have. _They probably pissed off about the same time when you told Shikamaru that his hands made you crazy_, his brain supplied rationally. Neji realised that he could hear the ticking of the clock in the kitchen. He sighed mentally. Suddenly, Shikamaru threw his hands up.

"I expected this to be awkward," he said, looking at Neji incredulously, "But this, this is just excruciating." Neji, surprised at the abrupt outburst, just opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

"Is there some unspoken rule that we're not allowed to talk about what happened?" Shikamaru continued, raising an eyebrow sarcastically.

"Umm…" Neji said intelligently, but Shikamaru leapt in before he had the chance to dig himself into a hole.

"I'm pretty sure whatever I did does not give you the right to ignore me, mission or not." Shikamaru was looking at him expectantly.

"I'll admit I may have reacted a little…strongly," Neji conceded, trying to ignore Shikamaru's snort, "And I'm sorry for that." Neji looked at Shikamaru, unable to think of anything else to say. Shikamaru watched him for a while, then sighed, getting up from the chair and sitting next to Neji on the couch.

"Look, there's something there, we both know it. Ignoring it – it's just not healthy. And I think we can safely say based on today that you're either in or you're out, no in betweens." Neji just looked at him helplessly, hundreds of different emotions and thoughts flitting through his brain simultaneously.

"So, what do you say?" Shikamaru asked, frowning.

"Look, Shikamaru, I just don't know," Neji said weakly, turning away from the other man. He hated how feeble he sounded.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Shikamaru exclaimed, moving so that he was crouching in front of Neji on the floor. "What is there to be unsure about? Are you worried about what other people will think?"

"No!" Neji said, "No, it's not that. I don't care about the village." Shikamaru rolled his eyes, and Neji sensed that he was getting a bit exasperated.

"Then what? What is it?"

Neji looked away, suddenly feeling miserable. Part of him was ludicrously happy, telling him to just forget about everything and take this man into the bedroom to do what he had wanted to do for weeks. But another part of him, the older, more ingrained part that often took on the voice of his uncle, was warning him to leave. That relationships were impossible – he needed only to look at Hinata. She had estranged herself from the family when she announced that she was going out with Kiba.

"Neji!" Shikamaru exclaimed, looking up at him intently.

"I just…I'm not—" He was cut off by two hands grabbing his face roughly. Before he knew it, Shikamaru was kissing him, his warm, pliant lips just as skilful as Neji had imagined. And for a moment, just one moment, Neji imagined waking up to this every morning, calloused thumbs stroking his cheeks and a strong body in his arms. Shikamaru leaned forward, putting an arm around Neji's neck to deepen the kiss.

Neji snapped back to reality and pulled back suddenly, leaving a slightly panting Shikamaru looking confused.

"Neji—"

Neji got up abruptly. He couldn't bring himself to look at Shikamaru as he said "I'm sorry, Shikamaru. I just can't." He started walking towards the door.

"For fuck's sake, Neji!"

He heard Shikamaru get up, and suddenly his shoulder was grabbed roughly and he was swung around.

"You can't do this again!" Shikamaru said angrily, his eyes flashing. "We need to talk about this – the whole silence thing doesn't work!"

"Just…give me some time," Neji murmured, "I need to think about some things." He held Shikamaru's gaze for a few moments, shocked by the intensity of the feelings in his eyes. Then, without really thinking about it, he brought a hand up to the other man's face and cupped his cheek, almost smiling in surprise as Shikamaru's eyes slid shut.

"I'm sorry, Shikamaru," he breathed, before wrenching open the door and leaving the apartment. Neji didn't dare look back, but if he had, he would have seen Shikamaru just standing in the doorway with a soft, almost melancholic look on his face. After a few moments, Shikamaru shook his head, and shut the door quietly.


	12. Place to be Preview

A/N: Because I am such a loving and caring person, I decided to post this little preview of chapter 12. I feel awful for making everyone wait for so long for the next chapter, so I thought the least I could do was give you a little taster to satisfy at least for a little while.

So, things are getting interesting, ne? You shall just have to wait and see what Shikamaru decides.

Also, check older chapters for some little updates I have done.

* * *

_And I was strong, strong in the sun,_

_I thought I'd see when day is done._

_Now I'm weaker than the palest blue,_

_Oh, so weak in this need for you._

Shikamaru stared at the lounge room wall and sighed. Ever since Neji had left that afternoon, he had been unable to concentrate on anything – his mind just kept replaying Neji's words over and over again. He had been thinking furiously of ways he could convince Neji, but even he found himself defeated by this problem. There was nothing for it: he needed an expert. He went round to Ino's.

"Shikamaru?" Ino said, opening the door.

"Ah, hi, Ino," Shikamaru said, suddenly a bit embarrassed, "Um…are you busy at the moment? I kind of need some advice." Ino's eyebrows shot up and she actually took a step back from the doorway.

"What on earth about?" she asked suspiciously, "You've never asked me for advice in your entire life." Shikamaru sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I just figured that this was more your line of expertise rather than Chouji's," he said pointedly, hoping she got the hint. She did – her mouth opened slightly and it appeared as though she was fighting down a smirk.

"Well, in that case…" Ino stepped back to let him in.

'Sit down, sit down," she said, gesturing at the couch. Shikamaru sat, wondering what had possibly possessed him to do this.

"Tell Ino all about your troubles," she said, making herself comfortable in the chair opposite him. Shikamaru took a deep breath, and fought a rising blush with all his might.

"Maa…Ok, say I have this…friend," Shikamaru said, deciding that hypothetical was probably the best route in this situation. Ino arched an elegant eyebrow.

"A friend," she repeated, a tad sceptically.

"Well, a friend that I am…interested in."

"Ok," she said, humouring him, "Is this 'friend' interested in you?"

"…I think so," Shikamaru replied, "But there is this issue that's stopping anything from…happening." Ino smirked.

"I'm not sure I'm the one to ask for help with erection problems, Shikamaru," she said. Shikamaru felt a jolt of annoyance, and he jumped up from the couch.

"If you're not going to take this seriously, then I'm going," he said. Ino threw her hands up innocently, surprised at Shikamaru's reaction.

"Ok, ok!" she said, genuinely taken aback, "I'm sorry. I'll take this seriously – sit down. Please." Shikamaru regarded her for a few moments, but decided that her face had something sincere in it, so he sat again.

"So," Ino resumed, "You have this friend, but there's a problem that's keeping you from being…together –"

"– in a completely non-sexual way –"

"Right. So, what's the problem?" Shikamaru shifted on the couch, and frowned.

"This friend…well, they are very dedicated to their job as a, uh, law enforcer –"

"Shikamaru, cut the crap, I know you're talking about Neji." Shikamaru looked up at the sound of Neji's name, and sighed, suddenly feeling deflated and tired and a little bit lost.

"Ino," he said weakly, hating himself for sounding so pathetic, "I really care about him. I mean, we haven't known each other for long, but I want to help him. I want to show him that life isn't always about pride or loyalty or…I don't know, about being controlled by other people. I just…" Shikamaru trailed off, looking at the floor. Ino got up and sat down next to him, a comforting hand landing delicately on his shoulder.

"Shikamaru," she said quietly, in a tone that said she had been thinking about this for a while, "Maybe…. maybe it's just not going to work out. Neji is never going to stop being a Hyuuga. He's never going to stop being a shinobi, a killer. And you can't give him back his childhood, or his father."

"I know that, Ino," Shikamaru snapped, hating her words because they were true. She hesitated for a moment, but then continued.

"What if…well, what if you gave Neji a chance to let go, just for one night? What if you show him all the things you said you wanted to, just one time, and then…let it go?" Shikamaru frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but Ino cut him off.

"Maybe one night is the best it's going to get."

Silence settled over the two of them as Shikamaru went over in his mind what Ino had said. Part of him – a very small, rarely seen part of him – was screaming, telling him that Neji would come to him out of his own free will, in time. But then there was another, larger, more rational part of him that was looking at Neji and thinking about Ino's words and putting the two together. After a while, Shikamaru felt Ino move her hand away.

"I'm sorry, Shikamaru," she said quietly, frankly, "But I don't want to see you chasing after something that will never happen. I don't want to see you get hurt – I'm just trying to look out for you, as your friend."

Shikamaru stood up slowly, and placed a hand on top of Ino's head affectionately.

"Yeah," he murmured, "I know. Thank you, Ino."

Shikamaru drew out the walk from Ino's to his apartment, ambling along and not really paying any attention to where he was going. His mind, which had been thinking up solutions and ideas so furiously that afternoon, was oddly blank. Ino's words, as blunt as they had been, were beginning to make sense of Shikamaru more and more. He and Neji had known each other properly for a handful of months – he wasn't prepared to put his way of life, his reputation at risk for some person he barely knew… was he?


	13. Place to be Complete

A/N: Here's the full chapter, folks. Apologies for the lateness, but hopefully the content will make up for that! Erm, yes…warnings for sex.

Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

_And I was strong, strong in the sun,_

_I thought I'd see when day is done,_

_Now I'm weaker than the palest blue,_

_Oh, so weak in this need for you.  
_

Shikamaru stared at the lounge room wall and sighed. Ever since Neji had left that afternoon, he had been unable to concentrate on anything – his mind just kept replaying Neji's words over and over again. He had been thinking furiously of ways he could convince Neji, but even he found himself defeated by this problem. There was nothing for it: he needed an expert. He went round to Ino's.

"Shikamaru?" Ino said, opening the door.

"Ah, hi, Ino," Shikamaru said, suddenly a bit embarrassed, "Um…are you busy at the moment? I kind of need some advice." Ino's eyebrows shot up and she actually took a step back from the doorway.

"What on earth about?" she asked suspiciously, "You've never asked me for advice in your entire life." Shikamaru sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I just figured that this was more your line of expertise rather than Chouji's," he said pointedly, hoping she got the hint. She did – her mouth opened slightly and it appeared as though she was fighting down a smirk.

"Well, in that case…" Ino stepped back to let him in.

'Sit down, sit down," she said, gesturing at the couch. Shikamaru sat, wondering what had possibly possessed him to do this.

"Tell Ino all about your troubles," she said, making herself comfortable in the chair opposite him. Shikamaru took a deep breath, and fought a rising blush with all his might.

"Maa…Ok, say I have this…friend," Shikamaru said, deciding that hypothetical was probably the best route in this situation. Ino arched an elegant eyebrow.

"A friend," she repeated, a tad sceptically.

"Well, a friend that I am…interested in."

"Ok," she said, humouring him, "Is this 'friend' interested in you?"

"…I think so," Shikamaru replied, "But there is this issue that's stopping anything from…happening." Ino smirked.

"I'm not sure I'm the one to ask for help with erection problems, Shikamaru," she said. Shikamaru felt a jolt of annoyance, and he jumped up from the couch.

"If you're not going to take this seriously, then I'm going," he said. Ino threw her hands up innocently, surprised at Shikamaru's reaction.

"Ok, ok!" she said, genuinely taken aback, "I'm sorry. I'll take this seriously – sit down. Please." Shikamaru regarded her for a few moments, but decided that her face had something sincere in it, so he sat again.

"So," Ino resumed, "You have this friend, but there's a problem that's keeping you from being…together –"

"– in a completely non-sexual way –"

"Right. So, what's the problem?" Shikamaru shifted on the couch, and frowned.

"This friend…well, they are very dedicated to their job as a, uh, law enforcer –"

"Shikamaru, cut the crap, I know you're talking about Neji." Shikamaru looked up at the sound of Neji's name, and sighed, suddenly feeling deflated and tired and a little bit lost.

"Ino," he said weakly, hating himself for sounding so pathetic, "I really care about him. I mean, we haven't known each other for long, but I want to help him. I want to show him that life isn't always about pride or loyalty or…I don't know, about being controlled by other people. I just…" Shikamaru trailed off, looking at the floor. Ino got up and sat down next to him, a comforting hand landing delicately on his shoulder.

"Shikamaru," she said quietly, in a tone that said she had been thinking about this for a while, "Maybe…. maybe it's just not going to work out. Neji is never going to stop being a Hyuuga. He's never going to stop being a shinobi, a killer. And you can't give him back his childhood, or his father."

"I know that, Ino," Shikamaru snapped, hating her words because they were true. She hesitated for a moment, but then continued.

"What if…well, what if you gave Neji a chance to let go, just for one night? What if you show him all the things you said you wanted to, just one time, and then…let it go?" Shikamaru frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but Ino cut him off.

"Maybe one night is the best it's going to get."

Silence settled over the two of them as Shikamaru went over in his mind what Ino had said. Part of him – a very small, rarely seen part of him – was screaming, telling him that Neji would come to him out of his own free will, in time. But then there was another, larger, more rational part of him that was looking at Neji and thinking about Ino's words and putting the two together. After a while, Shikamaru felt Ino move her hand away.

"I'm sorry, Shikamaru," she said quietly, frankly, "But I don't want to see you chasing after something that will never happen. I don't want to see you get hurt – I'm just trying to look out for you, as your friend."

Shikamaru stood up slowly, and placed a hand on top of Ino's head affectionately.

"Yeah," he murmured, "I know. Thank you, Ino."

Shikamaru drew out the walk from Ino's to his apartment, ambling along and not really paying any attention to where he was going. His mind, which had been thinking up solutions and ideas so furiously that afternoon, was oddly fuzzy. Ino's words, as blunt as they had been, were beginning to make more and more sense to Shikamaru. He and Neji had known each other properly for a handful of months – he wasn't prepared to put his way of life, his reputation at risk for some person he barely knew… was he?

Shikamaru shook his head violently, expelling any confusion he had in his mind. If he analysed it objectively, one night would be the best solution for both of them – Neji could have a night of freedom, and could then go back to what was expected of him. And Shikamaru…well, Shikamaru would just go back to how he had been before everything had started. Shikamaru suppressed the nervous feeling in his stomach as he remembered the ferocity of the emotions from the night after Chouji's. He would go to Neji's now, get this over and done with, and then get on with his life.

On his way to Neji's apartment, Shikamaru stopped by a bar and had a few shots of sake, the warm liquid sliding down his throat comfortingly and helping to calm his nerves.

He turned down Neji's street and stopped in front of the door like a condemned man, taking a deep breath before knocking gently. The door opened a few moments later, and Neji stuck his head out.

"Shikamaru?" he said, frowning slightly, "What are you doin – mmphf!"

Shikamaru grabbed the front of Neji's shirt and pulled them together, kissing him passionately. Neji seemed shocked, his lips frozen and unresponsive against Shikamaru's. Shikamaru pulled away slightly, and started pushing Neji back into the apartment.

"Just one night," Shikamaru murmured, reaching back to undo Neji's hair from its tie, "That's all I'll need." He kissed Neji again before he could respond, threading his fingers through silky hair.

"What?" Neji whispered against his lips, pushing him away slightly, "Shikamaru, wait!" He pushed him away fully, opening his mouth to speak, but was cut off again by Shikamaru placing his hand on Neji's mouth.

"Don't talk," Shikamaru said, pushing Neji into the apartment and shutting the door, "It's too troublesome." They stayed in that position for a few moments, Neji breathing heavily against Shikamaru's hand, their eyes locked in a silent argument.

"One night," Shikamaru said, "Then it's over."

There was a pause, then Neji slowly pulled Shikamaru's hand away, muttering something that Shikamaru didn't quite understand.

"You take what you get, right?"

Then he leant down and kissed Shikamaru hard and open-mouthed, making Shikamaru's knees buckle. All the emotions from the past few months and the anticipation of what was to come hit Shikamaru hard, and he found himself clinging to Neji almost desperately.

"Do you know how long I've wanted this, Neji?" Shikamaru breathed as Neji left a trail of light kisses down his neck. Neji just chuckled, and continued his path downwards. Shikamaru's breath hitched, and he grabbed Neji's chin and pulled it up so it was level with his own.

"Tell me I'm not the only one," Shikamaru growled, making Neji's eyes widen in surprise.

"You're surprisingly lively tonight," Neji commented as he moved back to pull off his own shirt, his expression appearing to Shikamaru as one of infinite amusement. Not quite the response he was looking for, Shikamaru wound a hand into Neji's hair and pulled hard.

"Seeing as you don't know me that well," he breathed into Neji's ear, "You obviously don't know that when it comes to important things, I stop the lazy thing. Sex is one of those important things." Much to Shikamaru's annoyance, Neji merely chuckled again and started pulling off Shikamaru's shirt. Shikamaru grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Tell me I'm not the only one who wants this!" he said, shivering slightly as Neji pulled his hands free of Shikamaru's and placed them on Shikamaru's cheeks.

"You're not the only one who wants this," Neji said slowly and surely, his blank eyes boring into Shikamaru's dark ones. Shikamaru felt a spike of desire in his stomach as he realised that this was really going to happen. Neji's face was open and sensual, everything Shikamaru could have hoped for – but he also realised that this meant Neji didn't want anything more to happen between them. Shikamaru's mouth twisted into a bittersweet smirk as he pushed Neji away to pull of his own shirt. He felt Neji's eyes rake his body, and he squashed all the resentful feelings deep down until all he was left with was desire. Desire with no strings attached.

"Bedroom," Neji grunted. Shikamaru just managed to contain himself until they were inside Neji's bedroom, where he pushed the other man onto the bed and began to explore Neji's body. If this was to be their only night together, then Shikamaru wasn't going to let Neji be in control – he wanted to map every part of Neji's body so that it would be ingrained into his memory forever.

"Nnng, Shikamaru," Neji panted as Shikamaru's hands travelled up and down Neji's thighs lightly. Shikamaru smirked.

"Who knew that Hyuuga Neji could be reduced to such monosyllabic talk?" Shikamaru teased as he palmed Neji's erection through his trousers, "Could it be that you are actually an impostor Hyuuga?" Neji growled and pulled Shikamaru down for a hard kiss.

"Shut up, Nara," he said, smirking, when they came up for air, "It's like you said – talking is troublesome."

"Fine," Shikamaru replied, freeing his own hair from its tie so that it tickled his back pleasantly. Then, without a word, he got up from the bed, ignoring Neji's confused "what?", and turned the lights off. He then quickly made the hand signs for his shadow jutsu, which wound lightly around both of Neji's wrists, effectively holding him in place. Through the darkness, Shikamaru could practically feel Neji's facial expression.

"God, Nara," Neji said in an impressed tone, "How have you been hiding this kinky side from everyone for so long?" Shikamaru smiled, and climbed back onto the bed.

"It helps that I don't have sex with everyone in Konoha," he whispered as he ran a calloused thumb over Neji's nipple, "That way, my secret is safe." Neji chuckled softly, his chest lifting up to meet Shikamaru's hands.

"Fucking kinky bastard," he murmured, grinding his hips upwards meaningfully. Shikamaru just tightened his shadow's hold on Neji's wrists, and started working on Neji's pants.

"Lift your hips up," he ordered, and felt a thrill of pleasure when Neji obliged immediately. He pulled Neji's pants off, pausing momentarily as Neji's erection was freed.

'What's the matter, Nara?" Neji asked, panting, "Like what you see?" Shikamaru gave one experimental stroke of Neji's cock, relishing the sound that Neji made.

"You are much too coherent for someone who is completely naked and bound to a bed," Shikamaru commented, licking the tip of Neji's erection lightly and watching as Neji squirmed underneath him.

"Who says that you – mmm – get to be in control?" Neji asked, his hands fisting involuntarily, watching as Shikamaru's eyes glinted slightly in the moonlight.

"I do," Shikamaru said simply, and then engulfed Neji's cock completely. Neji gasped in surprise, his hips bucking up of their own accord. Shikamaru just hummed absently, and moved a hand so that it was grasping the base of Neji's erection. He was a man on a mission – he wanted to illicit as many different sounds from Neji as he could in one night.

Following that train of thought, he moved his other hand slowly up Neji's body to his mouth, where he gently pushed a finger between Neji's lips. Neji got the idea immediately, and began sucking on Shikamaru's finger enthusiastically, the sounds he was making going straight to Shikamaru's already hard cock. After a few moments, Shikamaru removed his finger and positioned it in front of Neji's entrance. He circled it a few times before probing gently, smirking at Neji's moan.

'Fuck, Shikamaru," Neji panted as Shikamaru added another finger, "I'm not going to last if you keep this up." Rather reluctantly, Shikamaru released Neji's erection with a light kiss to its tip. He then pushed a third finger into Neji, watching as his face contorted with pleasure.

"Let – nng – let my wrists go," Neji muttered, his eyes opening to look at Shikamaru intently. Shikamaru took a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

"Why should I?" he managed to ask, pausing momentarily in his ministrations. Neji just looked down at him, smirking, his face covered in a sheen of sweat.

"I want to touch you," Neji said, which was all the persuasion Shikamaru needed. He quickly released the jutsu, almost moaning in pleasure as Neji's hands started making their way around Shikamaru's body. Neji's legs came up around Shikamaru's waist, and he pushed Shikamaru closer towards him so that they were grinding together.

"Pants off, now," Neji growled, suddenly realising that Shikamaru was still clothed from the waist down. Shikamaru moved back and sat down on the end of the bed, so that he could pull off his own pants, forcing down any feelings of self-consciousness as he felt Neji's eyes on him.

"Even in the dark, Nara, you are a very attractive man," Neji murmured as he sat up on the bed, placing light kisses across Shikamaru's back, "I could never think straight during our shoji games – no wonder why you always won." Shikamaru closed his eyes momentarily, quickly squashing the emotions that rose to choke up his throat. _Don't think_, he told himself sternly, _don't think – just feel_.

"You flatter me," Shikamaru said modestly, before turning around and kissing Neji deeply. He gasped into Neji's mouth as he felt a warm hand encircle his own erection and start to move up and down.

"I tell the truth, Shikamaru," Neji whispered against Shikamaru's mouth.

"Shut up," Shikamaru growled, pushing Neji onto the bed once more, "Lube?"

"Top draw on the right," Neji said, his eyes strangely bright in the half-light. Shikamaru leaned forward and rummaged around in the draw of the bedside table, extracting a small bottle of lube. He popped open the lid and was about to squeeze some out when Neji took it from him.

"Let me," he breathed, looking up to Shikamaru's face for confirmation. Shikamaru didn't trust his voice, so he simply nodded once, his eyes sliding closed as he felt the cool substance being applied onto his erection. When Neji had finished, Shikamaru opened his eyes again and saw that Neji had spread his legs open wide for him, making him pause in sheer attraction for the other man. Neji frowned, biting his lip slightly.

"Hurry up, Shikamaru," he said, wrapping his legs around Shikamaru's waist to urge him on. Not needing to be told twice, Shikamaru entered Neji slowly, waiting for Neji to get used to him once he was fully in before starting to thrust lightly.

"Ah!" Neji cried, leaning up to kiss Shikamaru wetly, "Faster!" Shikamaru obliged willingly, making his thrusts deeper and faster, stroking Neji's erection in time with his thrusts. Neji writhed underneath him, his hand clenching at the sheets helplessly, and just from looking at him Shikamaru felt a pre-orgasm tingle that started from his groin and pooled out across his body.

"Fuck, Neji," Shikamaru groaned as he increased his rhythm, hitting Neji's prostate with each thrust. He felt the heat in his groin coil tightly just as Neji breathed out, "I'm going to come", and they orgasmed together, so intensely that Shikamaru's eyes blurred and his toes curled almost painfully.

Shikamaru collapsed onto the bed, his hands still shaking, and he and Neji lay there for a few minutes as they caught their breath. After a while, Neji sat up and rummaged around in the draw, before pulling out a towel and cleaning himself up. He then threw the towel at Shikamaru, who caught it and did the same. Then Neji lay down on his side and looked at Shikamaru questioningly.

"What now?" he asked softly, his face carefully blank. Shikamaru watched Neji's face searchingly for a few moments before moving onto his back and looking up at the ceiling.

"Now it's over," Shikamaru said bluntly, once again fighting down all the bitter emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him in his post-orgasmic state.

"Over," he heard Neji echo, but he couldn't detect any sort of emotion in his voice. A dreadful, overwhelming weight was pressing against his chest, and he suddenly realised exactly why this had been a bad idea. He got up suddenly and searched around for his clothes, pulling his pants on quickly.

"Shikamaru –" Neji began, but stopped almost as soon as he had started, as if realising that there was nothing he could say. Shikamaru didn't even bother to turn around as he said "bye", picking up his shirt and leaving the house before he said something really stupid. The air outside was cold and there was a bitter taste in Shikamaru's mouth – he spent the entire walk home cursing Ino and her damn advice. When he arrived at his apartment, he stripped off all his clothes and fell into bed, pulling the covers up over his head and trying to ignore the burning feeling of shame.


	14. From the morning

A/N: Behold a slightly late Christmas present!

* * *

_So look see the days  
The endless coloured ways  
And go play the game that you learnt  
From the morning._

Neji awoke to the sound of his window sliding open, which was followed quickly by the realisation that it wasn't nearly late enough for him to be conscious.

"Ugh, smells like sex," a voice said from beside him, "Who've you been getting it on with, Neji?"

Neji sat up and rubbed his eyes blearily, belatedly noticing that he had kicked off the blankets at some point during the night. And that he was completely naked.

"Umm –" Neji began, but was cut off.

"Don't pretend you've got something I haven't seen," Sakura said in a bored voice, examining the used condom that Shikamaru had thrown onto the floor before he had left. Neji imagined the distaste showing on her face behind the cougar mask.

He coughed pointedly. Neji could practically feel her eyes rolling.

"I'll give you five minutes to get ready," Sakura said sweetly, before slipping back out of the window.

Neji washed quickly, wincing only slightly as he walked. The bedroom would have to wait until he got back, as dirty as it was. Neji picked up his mask and joined Sakura outside, sliding his window shut quietly. There was a pause.

"Don't ask, I won't tell you."

Sakura sighed theatrically.

"Ah, well," she said philosophically, following behind Neji as they ran towards the ANBU training grounds, "I didn't really expect you to anyway."

He and Sakura met Tenten and Moegi outside the ANBU office. Neji didn't miss Moegi standing just a little bit too close to Tenten, but brushed it off in order to focus on their training. The session went well, his team responding to the new formations as Neji had hoped. It also provided a good excuse for Neji to focus his entire mind on something other than Shikamaru.

"Oi, Moegi," Neji called as his cell finished for the day, indicating that the girl follow him, "Time for some paper work." Moegi smiled, and gave a small wave to Sakura and Tenten.

"Lucky me," she said, falling into step next to Neji. They walked in silence for a while. Moegi appeared to be enjoying the bright sky and the clear air, but Neji's mind was elsewhere. So, Moegi's comment, when it came, took him completely off guard.

"I know you saw us," she said matter-of-factly, pausing to bow as slightly as Naruto walked past arguing loudly with Sasuke. Neji did likewise.

"What do you mean?" Neji asked, when they had passed, genuinely curious. Moegi sent him a sidelong look that could have meant anything.

"At Chouji's party," she said, breaking a leaf off a bush as they walked past, twirling it absently, "You saw Tenten and I out the back." Neji said nothing, wondering where she was going with this.

"You were pretty damn drunk –"

"Oo-kay, Moegi," Neji interrupted, halting his steps, "What's your point?"

Moegi chuckled, and turned to face him.

"I just want to tell you that it won't affect us as a team," she said, the earnest expression on her face making up for the fact that she came up to Neji's chin, "It doesn't change anything, and I wanted you to know that. Tenten doesn't want you to worry about it."

Neji took a moment to process this, and continued walking.

"So, you're…together, now?" he asked, scratching his nose uncomfortably, "You and Tenten?" Neji refused to acknowledge the tender, somewhat sentimental smile on Moegi's face.

"Yeah," she said, "Yeah, we are." There was a pause.

"That's…," _don't say hot, don't say hot_, "nice." Neji could have sworn he saw an even bigger blush than normal grace Moegi's cheeks as she pushed open the door to the headquarters. The dim lighting inside made it hard to tell. Shino was on reception duty that morning, and he fixed them with his usual stare as they approached.

"Good morning, Shino," Neji acknowledged, propelling Moegi forward slightly, "Moegi is being formally inducted into my squad. I need the relevant documents."

"Of course," Shino said, disappearing into the back room. Moegi began to tap her fingers vaguely on the counter as they waited. Neji cleared his throat.

"Thank you for, uh, coming clean," Neji said finally, "So to speak. I appreciate it." Moegi smiled, and opened her mouth to say something.

"Your documents, Neji-san," Shino said suddenly, taking both Neji and Moegi by surprise.

"Thank you," Neji said, ushering Moegi over to a table, where she sat down and obediently started to fill out the forms. Neji left her there, with instructions to hand them back to Shino when she was done, and headed home.

As he cleaned up his bedroom from the mess he and Shikamaru had made last night, Moegi's words, as well as unbidden images of her and Tenten together floated through Neji's mind. What Moegi had said was true – on their last mission, neither one of them had shown any sort of bias nor impairment towards the other. Their team, if anything, had worked better as a unit on that mission than in previous trainings. If Tenten and Moegi could do it, why couldn't he and Shikamaru? What was stopping them, other than Neji's somewhat distorted sense of loyalty? Neji huffed irritably, and went to have another shower.

When he was clean, Neji went to visit Hinata at the hospital. Bizarrely, she and her genin team had picked up a rare virus on their last mission to Wave Country. It was nothing life threatening, and definitely curable, but Hinata was certainly looking a little worse for wear when Neji entered her hospital room.

"Neji-san," she said, sitting up and offering a weak smile when she caught sight of him, "I'm so glad you've come."

"I hope you are feeling better, cousin," Neji said, sitting down in the chair at her bed.

"Oh, much better, thank you," she said, "It's nice to have some peace and quiet, though, for once." She gestured across the room, where her three genins were all snoozing in their own beds. Neji chuckled, his eyes wandering over get well cards and bouquets of flowers that littered Hinata's bedside table. He was particularly taken by the large plush dog that was tucked into bed with Hinata – she followed his line of sight, and blushed slightly.

"Kiba bought him for me," she said, in a small voice, "I know it's stupid, but it makes me feel like I'm back at the Inuzuka compound. It's…comforting." Neji tried to smile, but gave what was probably more of a grimace instead.

"Hinata, I need some advice," he said eventually, "Well, I need your opinion, at least." Having always been somewhat sensitive to other's emotions, Hinata sensed the sincerity in Neji's tone and looked at him patiently, waiting for him to continue. Neji took a deep breath.

"Is Kiba really worth it? Was it really worth estranging the entire family over a man that you may not even marry? On top of that, is it really feasible to form such bonds when you and he both know that either of you could be killed on a mission in a week's time? Is it –"

"Neji," Hinata said in her calm voice, placing a hand on his, "It's all right. I know what you worry about, and I know who you worry about."

"So?" Neji urged, leaning forward slightly, "Do you have answers for me? Can you tell me what I should do?"

"Neji," Hinata repeated gently, squeezing his hand slightly, "You know as well as I do that I would never tell you what to do. The only thing I've ever wanted for you is to be happy, as silly as it sounds. I know how hard you are on yourself, and I know the hopes my father is pinning on you as the future of our clan. We have been brought up to be loyal to the family above all else, above even ourselves. In that respect, I understand how difficult your decision is – it feels like you are going against everything you have been taught."

"Exactly!" Neji interrupted, but Hinata held up her hand.

"Just listen," she murmured, and then continued, "On the other hand, you, Neji, have been a selfless tool of this family and this village for your entire life. Twenty-four years of putting other people's satisfaction above your own needs! All I want…All I want is for my favourite cousin to have his own happiness for once. When you really think about it, your ties to the family are superficial – Father sees you as a tool to consolidate the clan's future, not as the man that I see you as."

Hinata's tone became low and urgent, and Neji could sense her distress.

"You can be a successful shinobi and fulfil your duty to this village, but you can have your own personal happiness as well. It doesn't have to be a choice – in the end, can you imagine living a life without such special bonds?"

"That's just it, Hinata," Neji said after a moment's silence, "I don't know anymore. Ever since Anko died and I met Shikamaru, everything has been turned upside down. I never used to question anything that I was told to do – I had respect, and thus, I had purpose. But now…Can I still call myself a shinobi if I hinder my own judgement by choosing to be with Shikamaru?"

'Shikamaru hardly ever does external missions anymore, you know that," Hinata protested, "And even if he does leave the village, it will never be with your cell."

"But I'll worry…"

Hinata gave him a small, sad smile.

"The worry never goes away," she said softly, "If anything, it just gets worse. But it's all worth it for those moments when Kiba does come home safely, and all my fears are unfounded, and I can feel his healthy, strong, _alive_ body under my hands. It's things like that you remember for a long time."

But…" Neji said, about to protest, but Hinata stopped him once more.

"I'm not telling you to do anything," she said, "You asked for my advice, and I give it willingly in the selfish hope that I will see you happy for once in my life. That's all there is to it." As Neji looked at Hinata's smiling face, and the way she clutched at the toy dog so lovingly, he realised that she had become a woman and a kuniochi without him even noticing.

"When did you become so strong?" Neji asked after a moment, almost laughing when he saw a familiar blush explode on her cheeks.

"Neji-ni-san taught me how to be strong," she said quietly, looking down at her hands self-consciously, "So that I could be strong for him, when the time came."

"Thank you, Hinata, for your advice," Neji said, getting up and placing a hand on her shoulder, "You have given me lots to think about. I shall try and make the right decision by you and by me." He turned to leave.

"Just…don't take too long," Hinata called from behind him, "Shikamaru won't wait forever." Neji smiled briefly, without turning, and left.

---

After what felt like years, Neji found himself sitting once more atop his favourite meditation hill. Puffy, soft clouds floated languidly across an orange sky above Konoha, and in his mind's eye, Neji could see Shikamaru lounging beside him on that afternoon of their first meeting. As he compared his first impressions of the man with what he had experienced last night, the jarring clash made him laugh out loud into the pleasant afternoon quietude. Undeniably, there had always been a sexual attraction between them, and last night…Well, last night had only confirmed that attraction to Neji.

As satisfying as the sex had been, however, Neji found himself picturing he and Shikamaru waking up on a Sunday morning, having late breakfasts together, playing shogi together. In short: living together, in every sense. But every time he imagined those things, Hiashi's frowning face would continuously appear in the background of each of the fantasies. Hiashi's presence had been a looming one in Neji's life ever since his own father was killed. Hiashi had always been there to guide Neji in whatever task he was assigned, and to imagine a life cut off from that advice seemed absurd.

Even as he had these thoughts, a new, smiling face, larger and more clear than Hiashi's, came forward unbidden in his mind. Hinata's advice at the hospital had been simultaneously more logical and more sensitive than Hiashi's had ever been. And he would still have Hinata, after all. She had made the same decision that he was in the process of making, except without anyone to guide her. Neji wished fleetingly that he had been closer to Hinata when she was making her decision.

Neji sighed and shifted his position. As he let his mind wander, he started to think of all his friends and teammates: Tenten and Moegi, Sakura and Lee, Hinata and Kiba, Naruto and Sasuke…Each and every one of them were powerful and confident shinobi that were respected both inside and outside the village. Each one of them had shown that it was possible to have a relationship at the same time as fulfilling their duties as protectors of Konoha. Things that some of them had said to him over the past few months – Naruto, Hinata, Moegi – were resurfacing in his mind.

Hinata's most recent advice, as blunt as it had been, had had the effect of clearing Neji's clouded mind. All his worries and fears and troubles had been misplaced. Nothing was stopping he and Shikamaru from being together except Neji himself, not the village, or perhaps his family. His own selfish anxieties had caused Shikamaru pain – Neji had not missed the bitterness in his tone as he left the previous night, nor the murmured promises of 'one night only'. As he sat there atop the hill, overlooking Konoha in the pre-dusk light, Neji had two consecutive revelations. The first: that he and Shikamaru should be together. The second: that Shikamaru thought that they weren't to be together ever again.

"Fuck," Neji murmured as his eyes flew open, activating his Byakugan. He needed to find Shikamaru.


	15. Which will part I

A/N: So, I'm really, really enjoying writing this story at the moment. And I am also enjoying the lovely reception I am getting for it! Which is good for you readers, because it means more updates in less time. Hooray! (BTW, longest chapter yet.)  


* * *

_ Which will you hope for,_

_Which can it be,_

_Which will you take now,_

_If you won't take me,_

_And tell me now,_

_Which will you love the best._

Shikamaru awoke to the sound of his window sliding open, which was followed quickly by the realisation that it wasn't nearly late enough for him to be conscious.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Ino chirped in an overly cheerful voice as she jumped nimbly onto Shikamaru's bed. Shikamaru was just about to grumble his usual 'troublesome woman' when memories of the previous night came flooding back into his mind. He sat up suddenly.

"Fuck," he said, ignoring Ino's concerned look and jumping out of bed to begin pacing the room, "I can't believe I actually did that."

"Did what?" Ino asked suspiciously, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, "You mean you did what we talked about? The one night thing? Was it not good?" Shikamaru whipped his head round to stare at her.

"I can't believe I followed your advice!" he exclaimed, "Granted, the sex was amazing, but now I will never be able to show my face in front of Neji again. Never, _ever_ again. Maybe if I had just left him time to think like he had asked, then there might still be a chance. Instead, I decided to follow _Ino's advice_, and bind him into a verbal, one-time-only contract. How utterly, utterly stupid." Ino's face fell.

"So, you're not over him, then?" she asked dejectedly, "Last night didn't get it out of your system?"

"Of course it didn't, Ino!" Shikamaru protested, "I was a fool to ever believe it would."

"Oh," Ino muttered weakly. She looked absolutely miserable as she sat there on the bed, watching Shikamaru pace up and down in the small room.

"I'm sorry, Shikamaru," she offered lamely, but was rebuffed by a withering stare from the dark-haired man.

"I can never leave the apartment again," Shikamaru began muttering to himself, "I'll quit ANBU. Amaya will just have to come here for her lessons. And I can arrange some sort of home delivery for all my groceries. Naruto will just have to accept –"

"Shikamaru!" Ino interjected, suddenly angry, "Just listen to yourself! So what if I screwed up and you screwed Neji! It doesn't matter. I'm not going to sit by and watch you destroy your career over some crush."

"But that's just it, Ino!" Shikamaru exclaimed, "It's not _just_ a crush. It's…it's…Fuck!" Shikamaru groaned and slumped down onto the floor, his head dropping into his hands gloomily.

"This is so troublesome," Shikamaru muttered finally, lifting his head up to peer at Ino disconsolately, "If I had known that it was going to be like this, I would have just got myself castrated and saved everyone the trouble." Ino's mouth twitched, and it looked as though she was trying to hold back a giggle.

"Go and get me a cigarette, would you?" he asked, lying out properly on the floor, "Before you make things even worse by laughing at me."

"Sure," Ino murmured, taking care to step on Shikamaru's outstretched fingers as she walked past. When she returned, she dropped a cigarette pack and a lighter onto Shikamaru's stomach, and reclaimed her seat on the edge of the bed.

"I'll just have to tell Naruto," Shikamaru said eventually, "I'll let him know what happened – _vaguely_, mind you – and request that Neji and I not have to work together."

"But what about you?" Ino asked quietly, "Will you cope?" Shikamaru ignored her.

"It's the best solution for everybody," he said firmly, taking a long drag on his cigarette and getting up to have a shower.

By the time he got out of the bathroom, Ino had gone, which was something of a relief to Shikamaru. As close as they were, he had really learnt over the past few months that he could go without her advice. Shikamaru went to the kitchen and poked around in his cupboards until he found something edible. It was just as he was about to tuck into his Coco pops and coffee when there was a knock at the door.

"Shikmarooooooo," a familiar voice called. Shikamaru cursed under his breath as he got up to open the door. He had forgotten all about Amaya's lesson today.

"Gooooood morning," Amaya said, beaming, when Shikamaru opened the door, grabbing his arm and yanking him outside. Shikamaru grunted in response, and only just managed to close his front door again before he was hauled away.

"Where are we going?" Shikamaru asked, thinking forlornly of his breakfast. Amaya sniggered in response.

"It's a secret," she whispered loudly, "But it's got something to do with that thing you were trying to teach me last lesson."

"Surveillance?" Shikamaru said distractedly as he saw Naruto and Uchiha up ahead, arguing loudly.

"Hokage-sama!" Amaya yelled suddenly, evidently having seen Naruto as well. Naruto looked over to where Amaya and Shikamaru were, and beamed.

"Amaya-chan!" Naruto greeted, coming over to ruffle Amaya's hair amiably, "Shikamaru isn't being too tough on you, is he? Because if he is, I can arrange for him to…_disappear_." Amaya laughed delightedly and clapped her hands together. Shikamaru cleared his throat meaningfully.

"Oh," Amaya said, crestfallen, "Thank you, Hokage-sama, but Shikamaru-san is a really good teacher and he teaches me really well and I wouldn't want him to disappear ever. But thank you anyway." Behind Naruto, the Uchiha rolled his eyes condescendingly.

"Naruto, we have to go," he murmured.

"Wait, Naruto," Shikamaru said, pulling him aside out of earshot, "Can I come and see you this afternoon? I have something that I need to discuss with you." Naruto looked suspiciously at him.

"Um. Aren't you working this afternoon anyway?" he asked. Shikamaru blinked.

"Oh," he said, "Right. Yes. I'd forgotten. Well, see you this afternoon, then."

"It's a date!" Naruto called as the Uchiha pulled him away.

"Bye, Hokage-sama!" Amaya called serenely, watching Naruto go. Then she grabbed Shikamaru's wrist again, and continued on her secret path.

"Do you and Hokage-sama go on dates often?" she asked as they passed the ANBU headquarters. Shikamaru was so surprised that he accidentally inhaled some of his own spit, and started to choke.

"No!" he managed to say between coughs, "Not at all. Ever. Never."

"Hmm," Amaya said, obviously disappointed as she patted Shikamaru on the back, "It is because you're a homophobe?"

"Amaya!" Shikamaru said weakly, clutching at his chest. He was getting too old for this sort of thing.

"I was just saying!" she said defensively as they started to move again, "It's a possibility."

"Well, I'm not," Shikamaru said decisively, "A homophobe, that is."

"Good, because I've always thought that you and that _Hyuuga_ would be great together." Shikamaru just sighed dejectedly, and said nothing. He should have known by now that it was better not to encourage her. They travelled for a while in silence, Shikamaru nodding absently at people as he past them in the street. After a while, Shikamaru realised where they were going.

"What on earth are you thinking!" he exclaimed, pulling his arm out of Amaya's grip and stopping suddenly. She turned around guiltily.

"I just thought it would be a really good way to test my sir…whatever skills," she said, her strange, red eyes boring into Shikamaru's, "And I'd be learning at the same time!"

"Amaya, you're not allowed to go into the ANBU training grounds. They're forbidden to everybody except ANBU and Naruto himself!"

Amaya looked at her feet. Shikamaru groaned.

"Please tell me you haven't done this before," he said pleadingly, already wondering how he would explain this to Naruto later that day.

"It was only once, OK?" Amaya said suddenly, "I've always wanted to know about ANBU and even though you're an ANBU, you don't actually do anything cool like go out on super high risk missions. I just wanted to look. And plus, I learnt so many awesome things. Watch this!"

She stepped back so that Shikamaru was out of range, and then started spinning around in a circle, her hands thrust out either side of her. For a few moments, nothing happened, and she looked like she was trying to perform some traditional dance very badly. But as Shikamaru walked forward to grab her arm, a ring of bright red chakra appeared around Amaya, and he was thrown backwards off his feet. He was so surprised that he didn't even think to land properly.

"Ouch," he said, getting up gingerly. Amaya ran over to him, looking ecstatic.

"That's pretty cool, right?" she said excitedly.

"That was…amazing," Shikamaru admitted, "But it didn't look like anything I've seen ANBU use before. In fact, it kind of looked like a weird version of the Hyuuga defence jutsu."

"Yeah!" Amaya said, "I saw Neji doing it to protect himself again some kunai, and I thought I'd try and do the same thing. Although, mine doesn't really look like his does…"

"I think you're adding some genjutsu into the mix at the same time," Shikamaru said, "That would explain the red chakra."

"See what I learnt after watching for just one session?" Amaya asked, "Just think what I could learn in five!"

"Amaya…" Shikamaru started, but was cut off.

"No offence, Shikamaru," she said, her face hardening, "But you can't teach me everything. If I'm going to be a great kuniochi then I have to learn as much as I can from as many different people as I can find."

Her harsh words and impassioned face made Shikamaru pause for a second. He thought briefly of Kurenai, and how upset she would be if she heard her beloved daughter say such things. But as he thought about it more, his stance on the issue began to change. Everything Amaya had said was right – if she was going to be a great a shinobi as she said she was, then she would need all the help she could get. She would have a better chance of survival if she had been taught properly from a young age.

"Fine," Shikamaru said, amused to see the shocked expression on Amaya's face, "Let's go. But if you get caught, you're not running away. You have to go and explain yourself in front of all those scary ANBU as to why you were spying on their training session. And let me warn you, they're not going to be happy."

"O-OK," Amaya said, less confident now she was more aware of the consequences.

"You first," Shikamaru said, smiling widely at her. Amaya looked at him briefly, as if to say "help!", but then turned away again, and clenched her hands. They took off at a light jog, splitting from the main path as the gate came into view. Amaya led Shikamaru through the thick foliage until they reached what must have been her last hiding spot. Shikamaru jumped up into a tree silently, and looked below them. They were on a ridge overlooking a part of the training grounds. Below, Shikamaru could see four ANBU in a loose circle. The ANBU with his back to Shikamaru was definitely Neji, his long, glistening hair tied at the end in his customary style. It was clear that the other three were listening to his instructions, as they would nod or shake their heads every so often.

Amaya, who had climbed the tree more slowly in order to make as little noise as possible, joined Shikamaru on the branch he was crouching on. Her eyes were alight with excitement as she watched Neji's team move into position, who were evidently trying out some new formations. She followed every one of their moves with fierce concentration. Shikamaru, on the other hand, was busy maintaining the cloaking jutsu that he had performed as they had come within the vicinity of the main gate. It was kind of like a reverse of his normal jutsu, in which he used shadows to manipulate things. In the cloaking jutsu, he let the shadows manipulate the light in order to keep himself, and in this case Amaya too, hidden. Unbeknownst to Amaya, it was the only thing keeping them from being spotted.

More often than not, Shikamaru found himself watching Neji, his graceful yet strong movements reminding Shikamaru none too subtly of last night's events. Yet again he was amazed at his own stupidity – how could he have thought that one night with the man would alleviate the physical attraction. If anything, it had made it worse: now Shikamaru was painfully aware of what he was missing out on. As his thoughts began to wander, Shikamaru felt the jutsu begin to falter. He managed to pick it up again just as the new recruit glanced curiously over in their direction. _Ah_, he thought, _a chakra sensor_. Shikamaru wasn't too sure how much longer he could maintain the jutsu, so he tapped Amaya lightly on the shoulder and signalled for them to move. She made a face at him, but otherwise followed without any questioning.

Once they were safely out of harms way, Amaya almost tackled Shikamaru to the ground in her excitement.

"Wasn't that cool!" she said, jumping up and trying out some of the taijutsu that Tenten had been using, "Let's start focusing on weapons. I want to learn how to aim like that woman." Shikamaru resisted the urge to laugh.

"Tenten's been able to hit targets with a 100% accuracy rate ever since she was born," he said, "No one _learns_ how to do that." Amaya just stuck out her tongue, and started to throw kunai at a nearby tree. Shikamaru yawned.

"Lesson's over for this week," he said eventually, "Keep working on your aim, and next week I'll bring a katana for you to practice with." Amaya mumbled something vague and kept throwing, so Shikamaru returned to his apartment for some lunch.

---

Later that afternoon, Shikamaru found himself pouring over some maps of Wind Country with Naruto. Together they were planning a special bodyguard mission that involved transporting the daughter of a Wind Country daimyo to Fire Country, where she would be marrying the son of a Konoha daimyo. Sasuke, who had been remarkably broody all afternoon, was standing restlessly behind Naruto, looking at the maps over his shoulder.

"The route that runs parallel to the river is the first place they'll look," Shikamaru was arguing, but he got the feeling Naruto wasn't listening.

"Oh, Kami-sama," Naruto cursed under his breath, "Just go, Sasuke. I'll wait for you at home later tonight." Naruto turned around and craned his neck to look up at Sasuke's face. Both men shared unreadable expressions before Sasuke turned swiftly on his heel and left the room. The door shut with a decisive bang.

"I can't stand it when he's so jittery," Naruto muttered, leaning back in his chair so that he could stare out the window.

"What's wrong with him?" Shikamaru asked, mainly out of politeness. He was more concerned with his own issues than the convoluted life story of the last Uchiha.

"Hmm?" Naruto said absently, "Oh – it's the anniversary of his brother's death."

"Ah," Shikamaru said, "I'm sorry." Naruto sent him a strange look.

"No point apologising to me. He wasn't my brother."

"Of course," Shikamaru conceded, feeling uncomfortable about the whole conversation. Naruto had called it the anniversary of Uchiha Itachi's death – but in reality it was the anniversary of Sasuke's act of fratricide. Shikamaru cleared his throat.

"Ah, about the thing I had to talk to you about –"

"Oh yes!" Naruto interrupted, leaning forward so the legs of his chair hit the ground once more, "What did you want to tell me?"

"It's more of a request than an, um, confession," Shikamaru admitted. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really? Go on." Shikamaru took a deep breath.

"I would like to formally request that I, ANBU Nara Shikamaru, be removed from any activities involving ANBU Hyuuga Neji." Naruto's eyes narrowed suddenly, and he half-stood.

"On what grounds?" he asked.

"Personal differences."

_There_, Shikamaru thought, _that wasn't too hard to say_. He looked up at Naruto expectantly.

"Denied," Naruto said abruptly, before beginning to clear away the maps on the table. Shikamaru sat still in his chair for a moment.

"Naruto…" he began, but was silenced as Naruto launched himself at Shikamaru. They both fell to the floor with a thump, Naruto's eyes appearing more red and slit-like than entirely natural. A faintly disgusting chakra settled over Naruto, almost making Shikamaru gag.

"I have been down that path, Shikamaru," Naruto snarled, grabbing both of Shikamaru's arms and pinning them to the floor, "Pretending like nothing ever happened? Trying to busy yourself with other tasks in the hope you'll forget? I never thought you were an idiot."

"This is _none_ of your business, Naruto," Shikamaru growled, angry at Naruto's reaction, "I am not like you, nor is Neji like Sasuke, so stop being so selfish and accept my request!" Naruto's eyes flashed, and he uttered a wordless snarl.

"Just because you're in a bad mood today doesn't give you the right to stick your nose into other people's business," Shikamaru said, pushing against Naruto's hold expectantly. Naruto was ten times stronger than he would ever be, so Shikamaru knew that the only way to get released would be by convincing. "Just…let me deal with this in my own way." Naruto's red eyes bore into his for a few moments, slowly melting back to blue as his anger dissipated. All of a sudden, he jumped off Shikamaru and waved at the door angrily.

"You can go now," he said, turning his back on Shikamaru who was getting up tentatively. Shikamaru started to walk towards the door, but paused halfway.

"So, my request…?" Shikamaru asked. Naruto didn't even turn around.

"Consider it done," Naruto spat, with considerably more amount of malice than Shikamaru thought necessary. Shikamaru sighed, turned on his heel, and walked out the door.

---

With his request formally accepted, Shikamaru decided that the best thing to do in order to clear his mind was to play shogi. While he knew that the best way to deal with problems such as these was to tackle them on, Shikamaru had decided that the Neji problem was something he was going to ignore with all his might. He wasn't trying to be callous – it was self-preservation, if anything. He had been embarrassed and rejected, and now he was going to pretend that nothing had ever happened. Which meant, among other things, going to the local shogi parlour in order to play shogi, rather than Neji's apartment.

Kiki, the manager's wife, greeted Shikamaru with her usual enthusiasm, despite her initial surprise.

"Shikamaru-kun!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together in front of her opulent bosom theatrically, "I haven't seen you here in over six months! What was keeping you away? A girl, I hope?" Shikamaru inclined his head, but didn't answer her questions.

"Who's playing this afternoon?" he asked, paying the small fee. Kiki looked disappointed.

"Fine, be mysterious," she said, waving a bejewelled hand, "Nakamura-san came in an hour ago for his afternoon game. He's in booth 4." Shikamaru thanked her.

Mr Nakamura had been frequenting the shogi parlour for as long as Shikamaru could remember. Ever since his father had started bringing him along to watch his games, the old man had been a constant source of amusement and challenge for Shikamaru. It was pleasing to see that some things don't change much at all.

"Ah, Shikamaru," Mr Nakamura said when Shikamaru entered, "I wondered when we would see you again." Shikamaru bowed respectfully, and waited patiently in the corner until Mr Nakamura had finished his game with an acquaintance.

"Sit, boy, sit," Mr Nakamura waved a hand impatiently when his friend had left, "Tell me how your father is." Shikamaru sat down obediently, and began setting up the board.

"He's getting old," Shikamaru replied, "He said he's going to retire soon. I don't think he can believe that he's lasted this long." Mr Nakamura stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Shikaku's a good shinobi," he said, "He always has been. If he retires now, he'll have a lot to show for himself." Shikamaru inclined his head, acknowledging the indirect compliment. They played in silence for a while, the concentration of the game consuming their thoughts.

"So, Shikamaru," Mr Nakamura said, just as Shikamaru was about to make a really, really good move, "I hear you've been chasing after Hyuuga's son."

Shikamaru almost had an aneurism.

"Bah," Mr Nakamura said, waving his hand absently, "Don't think I'm not aware of these things. The relationship between two men has always been a sacred thing – it is not unusual for such a relationship to become the most important thing in a man's life."

"Nakamura-san, it's not like that," Shikamaru said finally, after regaining use of his brain, "It was nothing more than a troublesome misunderstanding. At any rate, it is in the past." Mr Nakamura peered at him over the shogi board.

"You're lying," he stated simply, "However, I can tell that it's something too fresh to be talked about, just yet. I must warn you, Shikamaru-kun: the road you are pursuing is a dangerous one. As a shinobi, there are only so many times you can suppress emotion. Suppress too much, and you become hollow. Forgetting is not the way to solve this problem." Shikamaru didn't meet the other man's eyes.

"It is my problem," Shikamaru said firmly, "I will deal with it in which ever manner that I choose."

"Pain has made you foolish, Shikamaru-kun," Mr Nakamura said, "I am giving you my advice, not telling you what actions to make." Shikamaru didn't reply, but wondered when this had stopped being a shogi game and become an excerpt out of one of Ino's stupid romance novels. A few moments later, and Mr Nakamura had taken Shikamaru's king and won the game. Shikamaru stood slowly, bowed, and turned to leave.

"Don't let yourself become hollow," Mr Nakamura called from behind him, "And next time, don't come and play me when your thoughts are elsewhere: you make for a pretty shit partner." Shikamaru smiled slightly, before opening the door and leaving the room.


	16. Time has told me part II

A/N: Um, oh my gosh? Even though I wrote the story, I think I still get to do a little fangirl SQUEEEEEEE right now. Enjoy, please!

* * *

_Time has told me,_

_You're a rare, rare find._

_A troubled cure,_

_For a troubled mind._

Shikamaru left the shogi parlour and started to make his way home. The sun was just setting behind the Hokage Mountain, spewing forth a beguiling orange light over the village. Shikamaru was so caught up in his thoughts and in the puffy clouds drifting across the sky that he didn't notice Sai approach him.

"Deer-man!" Sai exclaimed, placing a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder and making him jump, "How lucky that I saw you – I was just on my way to your apartment." Shikamaru removed Sai's hand pointedly.

"Why?" he asked, "Does Kakashi need us?" Sai nodded, and started to walk back in the direction of the ANBU headquarters, indicating that Shikamaru should follow him. Shikamaru paused for a moment, thinking of the comfortable bed waiting for him at home, before falling into step with the other man a touch forlornly.

"There are some rogue nin mercenaries that Naruto wants us to speak with," Sai said, "Apparently there have been some rumours about a copycat Akatsuki organization."

"And that basically means that this is going to take a long time," Shikamaru drawled. Sai beamed at him.

"Pretty much."

Shikamaru sighed, but otherwise said nothing else. It would be a good way of keeping his mind of Neji for a few hours, at least. As they approached the headquarters, Kakashi was waiting outside for them, leaning lazily against the wall. He raised a hand in greeting.

"Yo," he drawled, "I hope you boys are in a good mood tonight."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, and followed Kakashi and Sai into the conference room to be debriefed.

---

Shikamaru emerged from the headquarters – several hours later – tired and extremely irritable. The mercenaries had been as stubborn as hell, but even when Shikamaru broke them it turned out that they knew nothing of the Akatsuki copycat organization.

"What a waste of time," Shikamaru muttered under his breath, raising a hand in farewell to Kakashi and Sai before making his way home. He wanted nothing more than to have a nice, hot shower before falling into his warm and comfortable bed.

Suffice to say, the irritation he felt when he found Neji sitting on his top step, head in hands, outweighed any surprise or shock.

"You should leave," Shikamaru stated, not pausing as he walked past Neji and opened his door. He did not want to deal with whatever issues he and Neji had, especially not at the moment. Shikamaru turned to shut the door, but found it was blocked by Neji's hand. Shikamaru had not even heard him move.

"Shikamaru."

The way Neji said his name sent shivers down Shikamaru's spine. The older man looked a picture of desperation: his long hair frizzed and falling awkwardly and his pale eyes alight with urging. But Shikamaru had made his decision, and he wasn't the type of man to go back on his word.

"I asked you to leave," Shikamaru said evenly, pushing on the door but finding that he could not move it at all. Neji shook his head.

"I think we should talk," he said, grunting slightly as he pushed the door open completely, quickly shutting it again and leaning on it so that Shikamaru couldn't kick him out. Shikamaru felt a spike of irritation low in his belly, his fingers curling involuntarily.

"I don't want to talk to you, Neji," he said slowly, in a low, final tone of voice. Turning on his heel and walking towards the bathroom, he said, "I'm going to have a shower, now. You will be gone by the time I get out." Shikamaru heard Neji start to say something, but slammed the bathroom door loudly before he could finish.

Staring at his reflection angrily, he pulled out the tie holding his hair in place and thought about Mr Nakamura's words. Don't let yourself become hollow. Shikamaru snorted, pulling off his clothes and getting into the shower. What did that even mean, anyway? He wasn't 'becoming hollow' by ignoring Neji; he was just trying to protect himself. Why couldn't everyone just mind their own fucking business?

The hot water sluicing over his body had a somewhat calming effect over Shikamaru, and he felt himself relaxing slightly, reviewing the situation. He rarely allowed himself to become angry, as he found that anger often clouded judgement – so he took several deep breaths, and stared at the tiles in front of his face.

Two very different parts of Shikamaru were having a fight. The first part of him – the logical, cool-headed part – was pointing out that the only reason he was ignoring Neji was because he was rejected and now felt embarrassed and belittled. The other part – the irrational, teenager part – was arguing that he had no obligation to Neji, thus there was no reason to expose his own weaknesses to the other man. While Shikamaru was more level-headed and sensible that most, he was still a human being, and it was for that reason that the teenager part of him was currently winning out against its rival. All he wanted was for Neji to be gone by the time he got out, so that he could go to bed and forget that this entire day had ever happened.

Shikamaru washed and dried himself quickly, brushing his teeth before pulling on some tracksuit pants and leaving the bathroom. To find Neji sitting on his couch, looking at him expectantly. Before Shikamaru could open his mouth to say anything, Neji butted in.

"I'm not leaving until we've talked about what happened," he said, his eyes shining with determination. Which was when Shikamaru snapped.

"What the fuck is there to talk about?" he exploded, suddenly feeling an insatiable anger well up inside of him (so much for the calmness), "Why is everybody making such a big deal about this? I propositioned you, you rejected me, and now I'm just trying to get on with my life! That's all there is to it." Neji made to retort, but Shikamaru hadn't finished.

"And since when were you so interested in talking?" he spat bitterly, "As I remember it, that was the one thing that you definitely didn't want to do." Neji frowned suddenly.

"That's not fair, Shikamaru," he snapped, pushing an errant strand of hair back irritably.

"I don't have to be fair," Shikamaru barked in return, "I'm the one whose feelings were hurt, not you."

"How do you even know that!" Neji exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air in a thoroughly uncharacteristic gesture, "You're making illogical assumptions about how I feel."

"I'm making that assumption because you didn't try and stop me last night," Shikamaru said in a low voice, "Now I know that you were only in it for a few shogi games and a quick fuck."

"Kami-sama," Neji cursed under his breath, before getting off the couch and coming to stand in front of Shikamaru, "I tried to explain this in a logical way because I thought you would appreciate it. But obviously you are completely adamant about acting like a fifteen-year-old girl, so I'll have to explain things the simple way."

"I want to be with you, Shikamaru. Last night didn't prove that to me, but it did make me realise that you not being in my life is something that I don't want to happen. I want to wake up next to you in the morning. I want to play shogi with you for hours on end. I want to make love to you, and I want you to make love to me. I want you to worry about me when I'm away on missions. I want to go back and change the way I've handled this entire thing, but I can't. So I'm telling you now. It was a mistake, letting you go last night. I've talked to some people today who have made my own unjustified fears clear to me. Now I'm finally giving you what you want – what we both want – and you won't even give me the time of day because of some silly mistake."

Shikamaru felt his mouth fall open.

There was a long pause in which Shikamaru did nothing but gawk at Neji stupidly, but then Neji smiled and closed Shikamaru's mouth gently.

"So -" Neji began, breaking the silence, but Shikamaru shook his head slightly and put a finger to Neji's lips.

He felt a cold thrill run through him as he looked at Neji's face, as open and trusting as Shikamaru had ever seen it. This man, this beautiful, deadly shinobi was offering himself to Shikamaru. He was offering a new life, a new purpose, exactly what Shikamaru had wanted. All his qualms and pacts to himself suddenly seemed petulant and childish in the face of the possibilities that Neji was offering. Shikamaru took an unsteady breath.

Neji smiled again, softly, and took a step closer, sliding an arm around Shikamaru's waist in such an intimate gesture that Shikamaru couldn't help but swallow. His own hand fell away from Neji's lips limply.

"Shikamaru," Neji murmured, his breath fanning onto Shikamaru's face pleasantly, "Do you want this?"

For once, there wasn't a mad voice in Shikamaru's head screaming at him to get out quick. As Shikamaru met Neji's gaze evenly, he could see clearly that everything Neji had said was true. Shikamaru felt a smile forming involuntarily on his lips as he realised he knew the answer.

"Yeah," he replied, pulling Neji's other arm so that it too was around his waist, "I do."

And then Neji kissed him.


End file.
